Random Crafts of Kindness

More fun with pattern pieces

2011-05-23T14:01:00.001-07:00

I have the opportunity to sell my wares at Stanley Baking Company...my new workplace for the summer. I wanted to have some cards to go with them, and after a little brainstorming I returned to my love of pattern pieces re-made.

I traced a business card for sizing purposes on the pattern piece itself. Made a stamp with this awesome kit. Stamped directly on the pattern piece and then glued it with glue stick onto a piece of somewhat thick paper.

Viola! You can aim for consistently or place your stamps on different parts of the pattern piece to create a unique look for each card.

Thrifty gifting.

2011-05-09T20:23:00.000-07:00

Years ago I bought a lot of 25 or so patterns from the 60's-80's off Etsy. I had no idea what would arrive. While I was pleased with many of the patterns (and the garments they would become), there were some that just weren't my style.

I've kept those patterns around in my craft case and have been discovering fun uses for them. Recently, I made a gift for a friend and used a pattern piece as gift wrap.

Like so. This is the neck part of the pattern piece. I love how it mimics the shape of an envelope.

Then I experimented with some shapes from an old paper grocery bag for a gift tag. I love this maple seed inspired tag...

Add some twine and sender/recipient info and you've got some lovely, up-cycled gift wrap.

It's a surprise, so I left the "to" field blank for now.

Wanna try this out for yourself? Pattern pieces, ugly and otherwise, can usually be found at thrift shops and flea markets for very cheap. The instructions and the the sleeves also make excellent material for collages or other awesome projects.

If you do try it out for yourself, share the results on RCOK's new Facebook page. Wheee!

Left Brain/Right Brain. Business/Creative.

2011-04-20T08:21:00.000-07:00

I started reading "The Alphabet Versus the Goddess: The Conflict Between Word and Image" by Leonard Shlain. My friend and source of creative inspiration Grace Tea read an excerpt from this book during a series of writing workshops in Boulder last fall. I've had it on my mind ever since, but just recently snagged a copy from the library.

It's the first book I've read with an argument, scientific evidence, and an academic bent in years. Surprisingly I'm really into it. Each chapter is named after a common dichotomy like left brain/right brain, or image/word, death/birth. With translates ultimately into some aspect of masculine/feminine. I'm not all that far into the book yet but it's mirroring something that's happening in my life right now which is business versus creative.

I've shifted my perspective on my crafts from hobby to business. Being business minded about my crafts helps get me into production mode. It brings up all kinds of exciting things like branding my company Random Crafts of Kindness (RCOK), figuring out how to translate an idea of what sort of vibe I want RCOK to give out into concrete things like a banner for my Etsy store or business cards. Perhaps this is why I spent 4.5 years studying business at university. Looking back I tended to think it was foolish. What was I doing there after all? Well...maybe preparing several years early for a venture such as this one.

Trying to get my brain on board for all aspects of a DIY business brings up another thing I've been thinking of lately which is my "scanner" like quality. Barbara Sher coined this term in her book "I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was" and uses it to describe folks who "love to learn about multiple things, love what is new, are adaptable and flexible." Though I want to recruit my friends more artistic than I to help with the aesthetic aspects of business cards and banners, and my business minded pals to help with the logistics, I am also excited by the potential to learn so many new things. And it's given me a new found respect for all the DIY, crafter-types who are selling on Etsy at craft fairs or elsewhere. Those folks have to be photographers, marketers, the CEO, the factory worker, computer savvy, and personable enough to network. Big ups to all those folks.

Shlain is writing about the conflict between masculine and feminine, word and image, but I am hoping for confluence in my own venture.

buyin' bulk

2011-04-18T17:36:00.001-07:00

I'm gearing up to list a bunch of bulk bags on my etsy store. Here's a sneak peek at what I'm working on.

"Oats" bulk bag. Muslin and burlap. Hand stitched letters and hand stitching on the drawstring.

Some of the bulk bags to come...

Close up of the stitching.

Crafting a greener world...with shit!

2010-04-17T16:51:00.000-07:00

I miss blogging. No cameras and no pictures? No problem! I'm going to work around it.

We're hard at work at the Big House (my new residence in Utah) doing a million different projects. Included on the roster are:
1. Beer brewing: 4% beers are gettin' old fast! and so is the total lack of selection in this small town. The clever names like Polygamy Porter and Dead Horse (can't beat it!), however, are not.

2. Sourdough (and other types of) breadmaking. I'm culturing my first wild sourdough starter. I'm mooching wild yeast and saying buh-bye to commercial dry yeast packets. Woot! And soon I can bake it in...

3. Our new clay oven! The fellas are working on building one from the ground up in the backyard. Awesome.

4. Cheese-making: Also my to-do list. I'm going to start as recommended with soft cheese like queso fresco and ricotta. I have a great local source of milk so it only seemed logical to do this. Hello lasagna, goodbye high priced, uber processed cheese.

5. Chickens! Curtis and I are going to build a coop and order some chicks to raise from chick-hood to adult layers. Local eggs will take on a new meaning come September.

6. A lovely backyard garden. We're sprouting seeds in the basement from lettuce mixes to pumpkins. I made some fertilizer tea from llama poop today! There's a llama farm down the road and they donate the poo to the HBG farm who donated a bit to us. What is a fertilizer tea you ask? Well in this case it's two cups llama poo pellets to 1 gallon of water. Let it sit for 24 hours or until the water is nice and brown and then use it to water seedlings and plants so they grow up to be big and strong and delicious.

7. Crafting, crafting, crafting. I'm going to keep these secret for now though. Check back soon for a project showcase.

Oh no!

2010-03-19T12:08:00.000-07:00

Upon my arrival in Boulder all my electronics have decided to break.
This includes my camera which now takes one kind of picture...a completely whited out one.

Sad.

Upon being paid a few times I will buy a new one and continue my blogging escapades.

Move!

2010-03-10T08:38:00.000-08:00

Things seen from the road.
Traveled: Springfield to Oklahoma City. OKC to Albequerque. ABQ to Grand Junction, CO. GJ to Boulder, UT.

Thor packed himself in my suitcase :)

En route to OKC. I have no idea...

Texas panhandle and west Oklahoma look the same.

Colorado: treacherous roads, beautiful views.

Barley and the English bulldog. Couchsurfing companions in Grand Junction.

Salt Wash Lookout in Utah. White as far as the eye can see.

Those deer crossing signs aren't kidding!

Getting closer to home. Grainy thanks to a dirty windshield.

On my path :)

Through the Dixie National Forest. The one way into Boulder.

RCOK moves to Boulder!

2010-03-03T22:13:00.000-08:00

My good pal Paul and I are roadtripping from the lovely midwest to Boulder, Utah. I'm relocating for my new job and I'm packing the blog up and taking her with me. Stay tuned to see what creativity emerges from the desert.

Jars with a (re)purpose

2010-02-27T21:38:00.000-08:00

I made these cuties a while ago but hadn't taken photos yet. Today we did a photo shoot in the driveway since the sun is shining so bright. This project is a great way to feed two birds with one crumb: you up/recycle jars from oft-purchased products (salsa, spaghetti sauce, artichoke hearts, baby food) and re-purpose them into nifty storage containers. They make especially awesome storage units for crafter's notions, buttons, beads, floss, pin backs etc.

Materials:
--jars!
--something neat to cover their lids with (paper, magazine clippings, old pattern pieces, material)
--mod podge
--brush to apply mod podge
--patience and creativity

How to:
1. Place the jar lid on whatever material you've chosen to work with.
2. Trace around the lid with a pencil or pen (whatever will show up easiest).
3. Cut this out.
4. Apply mod podge (quickly!) to the jar lid and, starting from one edge, press the piece of paper into place. I think it's easier to put the mod podge on the lid than it is to do it on the paper but experiment and do whichever works for you.
5. Size up the rim of the lid with your eye and cut a piece approximately that size. Measure it up against the rim before applying mod podge and trim it as needed.
6. Apply mod podge as in step 4.
7. Wait for the pod modge coat to dry and then apply on to the top for a nice sheen.

Hints:
--Experiment with different materials. I tried old pattern pieces I knew I'd never use (this is essentially tissue paper) This material was my favorite to work with because it gave the jars a vintage vibe, it's easy to work with, cheap, and can be layered to change the effect). I also used magazine clippings with success and fabric which was my least favorite because the outcome was rough in feeling and look.
--Though it might seem tempting don't wrap the paper under the rim of the lid. This + mod modge = a jar that's permanently closed.
--Instead of making two pieces (a circle for the top of the lid and a rectangle for the rim) you can do an oversized circle and fold it at the rim to cover both at once. This will require making small cuts in the paper on the rim so it will lie flat.

A jar for a hodge podge of found items.

The button jar.

The Button jar, uncorked.

Added touch: repeated the steps for covering the lid for the bottom of the jar.

Another bottom; fun to find.

Crafting a better me

2010-02-18T20:27:00.000-08:00

Left to right: Curtis, Rinpoche, Me

My previous blog (sistermaryfaith) was mostly about education and personal affairs. After leaving graduate school (in the dust!) and moving away from MA, I wanted to refocus my blog and make it a home for my various projects. Why? Because it helps with accountability on my end, and it also allows me to contribute something to the already awesome blogosphere of crafters. But something got lost in the transition. I'm not sure how to remedy it just yet, but my quick fix is just want the title alludes to.

In addition to my tangible crafty pursuits, I've been working on crafting a better me. Maybe a better way to say it is something like: I'm working on living to my full potential. Crafting is part of this but there's so much more. My stint at Ratna Ling re-introduced me to Buddhism and I must say, I'm taken with the principles.

And in a mysterious turn of events, I just happened to be in Wenatchee, WA over Valentines day and so was this guy. He's a Tibetan Lama (I'll call him Rinpoche) and just happens to be the teacher of one of the owners of Hell's Backbone Grill. HBG just happens to be a Buddhist restaurant of the Alice Waters, slow/local/organic food persuasion (which I love love love), in the middle of a Mormon town in Utah which I just happened to learn about at Ratna Ling when I read this beautiful book about their restaurant. And I just happen to be one of their new employees for the 2010 season.

Did ya get all that?

So Buddhism is following me. Or I'm following it. And the powers that be (God, the universe, whatever you wanna call it), seem to have put Rinpoche in my path directly this weekend. And indirectly though HBG and, well, space. He's building a retreat center in NW Arkansas which is really close. He's flown through Springfield's airport to get there. He said something to the affect of: there's a force around me pulling me toward the Dharma. So I'm curious to see where all this goes.

For now, I have a homework assignment to meditate using the syllables OM AH HUM with my breath during meditation....100,000 times. Then we'll see what's next on my journey.

I left my heart in...(the finale)

2010-02-18T19:58:00.000-08:00

Valentines Day marked the end of my first guerilla art campaign. I only ended up dropping 26 hearts around Springfield, Missouri, in flight from Denver, Colorado, and in eastern Washington. In my travels I documents most hearts but seemed to have forgotten one dropped heart (oh no!). It'll come to me though.

I'm kind of sad this project is over. A new project is already brewing in my brain. For now:

I LEFT MY HEART IN...

#17: Panera Bread Community Bulletin Board (Springfield, MO)

# 18: On United flight from Denver to Seattle

#18: the scroll

#19: Wenatchee Confluence Park Trail

#20: Wenatchee, WA Public Library Children's Section

#21: Wenatchee Natural Food Store

#22: Fred Meyer, East Wenatchee, WA (self check out station)

#23: 76 EZ Mart East, Wenatchee, WA (on coffee machine)

#24: Denny's on Valentines Day. First heart given to a specific person, our waitress, Jennifer.

#25: Petco (fish food refrigerator), East Wenatchee, WA

I left my heart in Washington

2010-02-09T16:42:00.001-08:00

I'm off to Washington for the week.
I'll leave the last of my hearts during my travels so...
Happy Valentines day Denver (my layover) and Washington!

Check back in a week to see the end of the journey.

I left my heart in... (pt 2) updated!

2010-02-05T08:07:00.001-08:00

A continuation in the series. 3 hearts closer to 28.
Part 1 is here.

I left my heart in:
#9 the cookbooks section of Well Fed Head
#10 the graphic novels section of Barnes and Noble
#11 the sharpie wall of Office Depot
#12 Mama Jean's (Republic Rd) on the soup pot

*updated! I forgot my camera so no pics for these drops done at Art Walk :(*
#13 Grad School, clinging to the beer and wine menu
#14 Good Girl Art
#15 Coffee Ethic (community bulletin board)
#16 Chick-fil-a ketchup bin!
#17 Panera Bread (National loc) on the community bulletin board

Well Fed Head. Cookbooks section which has a place in my non-paper heart.

Barnes and Noble.

Sharpie wall at Office Depot on "pomegranate." Yum.

What's in the post.

2010-02-02T10:48:00.000-08:00

I keep churning out postcards as they are in demand by folks from China, Taiwan, and Poland. I've been feeling the need to buy some, uh, professional postcards to augment my homegrown ones to better serve the needs of the receivers. More than half of mine are still handmade. Here are the two most recent.

This is my all time favorite.
It's made from a recycled flyer (I think was actually a postcard!) advertising an art exhibit in ME and a cardboard box side cut to size.
The cut out piece was used to make this card. Edges are hand stitched.

Card cut from recycled cereal box. Tree and birds are shapes cut from magazines.
The birds wings and the ground are made from old pattern pieces.
In route to River in Taiwan.

I left my heart in...

2010-01-31T20:21:00.000-08:00

This splendid DIY Valentines day project from How About Orange inspired me to make some paper hearts of my own. HAO's tutuorial is for a paper heart garland-- cute indeed but I had to make it my own.

Here's what I did:
First, I crafted 28 individual hearts of different colors and sizes and wrote something on the inside (so you have to un-scroll it to read it). The things I wrote varied from silly things I made up like "Will you be my valentine? (Hint: you can't say no.)" to a heart with "FREE" written all over the outside; the inside reads "See? Valentines doesn't have to be so consumerist." There are also quotes from wise sages from Rilke to SARK, song lyrics, and ideas for acts of kindness.

Now I'm toting them around with me to randomly distribute throughout Springfield (guerrilla art, baby, thanks Keri Smith for the inspiration!).
Over the next two weeks I'll distribute all 28 hearts through the city. Droplifting, stringing them up here and there outdoors, and sending them along discreetly with unsuspecting travelers. I'll take pictures when I don't feel too shy.

Happy Valentines day Springfield.

I left my heart in:
#1 Salvation Army amongst the cassette tapes
# 2 the dried fruit section at Mama Jean's (Campbell location)
# 3 with the sugar packets (perfect location!) at The Grotto
#4 on the drivers side door handle of a car parked in my neighborhood
# 5 in women's bathroom in entry to Staxx and Body of Work Yoga Studio
# 6 in an ashtray outdoors on Walnut St. (near Landers Theater)
# 7 on one of the super modern but not all that comfortable couches at the Park Central branch of the library (by the periodicals)
# 8 in a booth at Charley's Place Flea Market

# 5: I left my heart in the women's bathroom.

#6: I left my heart in an ashtray...but it sure does make it look more lovely!

#8: I left my heart in a flea market booth. The coupons in the background are for sale! The board reads "37 coupons for only $2.50."

p.s. Did you find one of my hearts? Tell me about it!

Reusable Bulk Bags: How I combine my loves of crafting and eating

2010-01-29T12:30:00.000-08:00

Annie and I watched the documentary No Impact Man a few days ago. Colin Beaven (NIM himself) sets out to create as little of an ecological impact as possible for one year. In his No Impact year, he goes without toilet paper and electricity, shops and eats local food only, and makes his own cleaning products (among many other things).

Some of his actions spoke louder than others; the loudest contributing perhaps the most to minimizing his impact. But the one that inspired me the most was but a quiet whisper. What I liked most, and hadn't really thought about beyond the now-hip reusable shopping bags, was the reusable bulk bags Beaven used to abide by one of this other rules: Thou shalt not buy anything in packaging nor create any trash beyond that which can be composted.

I happen to have Sew What! Bags on loan from the library and with only a small bit of work and some large scraps of fabric, I created my own bulk bags. My first few are simple bags made with muslin with a calico print used to make the drawstrings. Then I got a bit more ambitious and did some stitching ("grains" with a simple picture) on a piece of yellow fabric which became a pocket. Next, I'd like to continue to stitch identifiers on the bags (e.g. grains, beans, coffee, etc), figures, or quotes. Plus I want to try to do some coffee dyeing to make the muslin more interesting.

Set of thee: one short and squat, two tall and lean

Close up of stitching work. The grain figure itself was done freehand. I guess it's wheat?

Finished grain bulk bag full of popcorn.

Hacuna frittata

2010-01-25T22:36:00.000-08:00

There were a few things I learned while cooking at Ratna Ling that I've keep as part of my cooking routine.

One of these things is so basic yet so versatile and, if I may say it, elegant. The frittata. It's breakfast, it's brunch, lunch, dinner. Whatever so pleases you. What makes it so special is that each can be made in it's own dish. Feels like it was made just for me.

I made this Greek-tata the other day as brunch.

Ingredients:
2 eggs (beaten with a touch of cream, half n half or milk)
cremini mushrooms
spinach (chopped)
feta cheese (crumbled)
red onion
kalamata olives
s&p
pinch of cayenne (which, by some feat of magic or science, makes eggs taste incredible).

Bon appetit!

The birds n' (no) bees, ain't no flowers but a sole tree

2010-01-25T22:16:00.001-08:00

I've been having some kind of crafters block lately (if such a thing exists). But tonight I contributed a small bit (two small bits actually) of momentum when I was inspired to product a couple of postcards.

Inspiration?
My pal Jordan draws comics (like this one that I adore).
Though initially I thought comics weren't a format I'd be into, because I am not a practised draw-er or particularly talented artist, I find myself drawn to the story telling aspect of this medium.*
And I might be able to skirt the drawing part as I'm thinking of doing some kind of collage comic. It hasn't come to fruition and may not ever (I'm not sure if I'm committed yet). However, this evening as I was trying out some prototypes of magazine cut-out birds, I felt an urge to make these two cards from some of the pieces.

Birds live in these.

Birdie. I really love his odd shape and seriously funky feet.

The moral? Make a small movement today in the direction you want to head. The small movements count. They are, in fact, how we ever get anywhere at all.

*puns always, always, always intended

ah "hem." May I present the lobster dress.

2010-01-17T21:06:00.000-08:00

Close up of lobster print.

I'm getting back into crafting but I have to say. It's. Been. Slow.

In Buddhism one way of looking at life is in terms of directions. Like the ones found on the compass. I get stuck in the East which is the planning and preparation stage. So I wrote myself a reminder note and taped it above my bed. It says, "move south! move south!"
South is where you use your hands. South is action. South is making something happen.

And tonight I moved south with the help from my mom (craftess extraordinare) and my pal JJ.
JJ provided me with this fabulous and funky dress (originally handmade) and my mom provided some guidance on how to hem. I wish I had some pictures of the steps I took from start to finish. Live and learn. It was a floor length dress and I turned it into a short and sassy one with a bit of cutting and sewing.

Le cute!

The finished product. Better pictures to come in future posts.

what I've been up to lately

2009-12-13T18:15:00.000-08:00

Sending handcrafted postcards (from cardboard and found items) to loved ones and strangers via postcrossing. So far I've sent postcards to: Finland, China, Japan, Germany, and Lithuania.

Sent to Mom and Annie in MO. Bird from an art show ad in Maine.

Back.

I took Curtis to Armstrong Park in Guernville for his birthday. It's part of the 20% of the Redwood forest that's preserved and protected. It was beautiful! We saw...

These jack-o-lantern mushrooms. Apparently they glow in the dark.

This giant!

Interesting fungi.

Tall tree; wide roots.

woah! a good reason to sneek homemade popcorn into the movies

2009-12-09T12:40:00.000-08:00

"Researchers found movie theater popcorn offerings range from 400 to 1,200 calories, with one to three days' worth of saturated fat and up to 1,500 milligrams of sodium. Make it a combo and add 300 to 1,110 empty calories worth of candy and another 150 to 500 calories from a sugary soft drink to wash it all down."

source

An "indulgence" to reconsider?

warm weather: a poem

2009-12-08T20:24:00.000-08:00

I wrote this after looking at some old pictures. Not because I long for the warm weather though. I am making friends with the cold. There is no better excuse for a steaming hot cup of Good Earth tea and a red knitted hat.

untitled

and when the warm weather came

so did the iced coffee

sunshine

caffeine

buzz

we used it as a way to avoid work

because you have to drink iced coffee

outdoors

in a park

walking around

downtown

and when the warm weather came

so did the farmers market

dinosaur kale

sprouting basil

cash only

we used it as motivation to wake up early

8 am to 1pm

Gothic street closed

Sleepy eyes

squint

sunshine

and when the warm weather came

so did the end of something

so did the start of something

canoes

puffy white clouds

goodbyes

The internet liberation handbook: How to quit facebook and get a real life

2009-12-02T09:48:00.000-08:00

Ok, ok. So I'm not an expert on this at all. And I took liberally from the title of this book for my blog title today. Nonetheless...

I deactivated my facebook account. Why? Curtis and I were both stuck in technology ruts. He with video games and me with facebook. Like a vortex we were sucked in and logged on until our eyes grew hazy and hours of life had passed us by with no awareness and no, well, productive activity.
So we made a bet (just to keep it interesting) that'd we stay off our respective techno-addictions for one month. That one month ended yesterday and here's what I learned during my hiatus.

I want a more personal connection with folks.

Facebook and other social networking sites have the potential to help folks keep in touch. But remember McLuhan's infamous "the medium is the message"? Well, the medium of FB lends itself more to breadth than depth of friendships. I have over 240 friends on facebook. When I decided to leave FB I made sure I had the e-mail addresses of my 'real' pals. People I'd actually phone up or write a letter to or hang out with or at least not duck behind a dumpster to avoid if I ran into them on the street. They totaled 12.

Twelve!

And that's not depressing. It's fabulous. The energy required to sustain those 12 friendships plus my other friends and family not on facebook just about matches my energy supply. Imagine adding up the minutes, hours, days spent perusing facebook (or insert your internet vice here) and instead spending that time cultivating and enriching your current relationships or your hobbies or self-growth. Or making new friends! Sounds dandy to me.

But get this, I am not fighting against technology. No luddite am I. Look here, I'm blogging.

I once read, of art, that it should be judged by asking this question, "Is it life enhancing?" And I think that's a good question to ask of any thing in life. To examine it's place in our lives and our intentions in using/doing it.

Technology is a-okay so long as I am using it consciously and it's enhancing my life in some way. FB ultimately had more drawbacks than positive benefits. And I figure this way I'll really have a lot to chat about with my friends when I see them in person or write them snail mail. And hey, everyone loves to get a letter. So upping my letter writing-- life enhancing. Looking an ultrasound of the fetus-soon-to-be-first-child of the person you sat across from in third grade and haven't spoken to or seen since, not so life enhancing.

In fact, I find myself, otherwise quite secure and confident on my life's path, questioning myself when I see my peers and their lives path unfolding on FB. Sometimes I start to feel bad not just about myself, but about them too. Why am I harboring these negative feelings?
Because I realize if I were to see them walking around in downtown Springfield with their newborn in tow, I'd coo at their kid. The experience would likely bring me joy. And it'd be nice o chat and ask, "what are you up to these days?" without first knowing the answer-- you have worked at Company X for 2 years after graduating from X University in 2007 with a 3.426 GPA. You live here. You like these books. You listen to this music. You went to the Caribbean last year for two weeks where you got a major sunburn but thoroughly enjoyed the snorkeling.

That's all just for kicks. But you get my drift. :)

I really do want to deepen my personal relationships. And this is a first step toward doing so.

Homemade soda-pop

2009-11-28T18:19:00.001-08:00

The more I make things from scratch, the more I wonder why I or anyone would do it any other way. Time be darned! I really enjoy the process of making foods and now beverages from basic ingredients. The results are worth the effort and time spent. Plus things like bread, sprouts, and my latest endeavor soda, don't require that much of a time commitment at once. It's a little here and there through out the course of a (lazy Sunday?) day or a week.

Try this one folks, or ask me for a bottle of my next batch!

Blueberry Soda using Wild Fermentation*
Gather ingredients:
2-3 inch piece of ginger root chopped finely
1/2 cup sugar (white, brown or maple syrup)
a quart mason jar 3/4 full with water (best if filtered)

This first process takes about a week. Basically you'll concoct a mixture that will sit out on your counter and grab yeast from the air. My understanding is that the ginger helps attract the yeast and the sugar is what the yeast eats. It burps up carbon dioxide which is how your soda gets carbonated.

So...

Grab your mason jar full of water. Add 1 tbl ginger and 2 tsp sugar. Stir well.
Cover this with a cheese cloth (or other clean cotton dishrag, make sure it hasn't been put through with a dryer sheet).
Let this sit out for 24 hours undisturbed.
Each day for the next 6-7 days add 2 tsp ginger and 2 tsp sugar and stir well.
Stir 2-3 other times per day or as much as you can fit in/remember to stir.

After a week it should be slightly bubbly. I was beginning to feel discouraged with mine after 5 days because there was no sign of bubbles despite following all the instructions and stirring frequently BUT! On the 7th day there were bubbles as promised. Whew! Just be patient and hang in there.

After you get some bubbly action....

Making your syrup
Ingredients:
6 cups of blueberries fresh or frozen (I used frozen but only had 5 cups so I added some fresh
strawberries. You could use other berries as well. Experiment!)\
1 gallon filtered water
1 1/2 cups of sugar
1 cup soda culture (the concoction you made over the course of a week)
a gallon jar and large pot

Put 1/2 gallon filtered water in a large pot. Bring the water to a boil and add sugar.
Add blueberries to the post and bring water back to a boil.
Turn the heat down so it's at a simmer and let the fruit simmer for about 10 minutes.
Give it a taste. Add more fruit or simmer longer if desired. (I did mine for more than 10 minutes because I was doing other tasks. It was more concentrated but I liked that.)
Pour the contents of the pot into a gallon jar. Add cool water to get the liquid almost to the top. Reserve room for 1 cup of culture.
Allow the liquid in the jar to cool to room temp then add one cup of culture and stir well. (I accidentally added my culture when the liquid was super hot but it didn't ruin anything. Whew!)
Cover with cheesecloth and sit on counter. Let it brew 3-7 days, stirring well 2 or 3 times a day. More time = less sugary, more ferment-y taste. Sweeter sodas will be done sooner. The original recipe calls for tasting the mix after 3 days to see if you like it.
Bottle the goodness! You can strain out the fruit and ginger and put in mason jars or other jars with screw tops.

Note: Apparently if the bottled soda sits too long the bottle can explode! You can retard the fermentation process a bit by putting soda jars in the fridge but nonetheless:

Drink it soon. Share with friends and loved ones.
Be cautious opening bottles as the yeast continues to hiccup and carbonate the soda after bottling.

Enjoy!

*From this website. Thanks!

Hey, thanks

2009-11-26T15:24:00.000-08:00

Hey, thanks Keri Smith for your rad website and for your list of 100 ideas and other fun things. I was so inspired by your guerrilla style that I spent some time today wandering around Ratna Ling taping the tiny "ideas" squares in random places to inspire others.

Hey, thanks Heidi Swanson for inspiring me with your blog 101 cookbooks. I love the recipes as well as the "favorite things" and "favorite cookbook" lists from your pals.

Hey, thanks Gwendo in NOLA for your recent postcard all stitched on the edges. I was so inspired I started making some of my own. Pics to follow... And thanks to Gusto for being the most reliable pen-pal I've had. I treasure your letters.

Hey, thanks family and extended family not-related by blood or marriage. Mom, Annie, Net Geoff, Thor, Autumn, Curtis, JJ, Steph, Paul, Christian, Augusta, Tracy, and other RLers. Ya'll make life more interesting and my time on this planet richer.

Hey, thanks paperbackswap for connecting me with total strangers across the country who want my already-read books and want to giveth theirs. You give me faith that barter does have a place in this world and that money isn't always necessary. Plus, you give me good reads.

And on that note thanks also to swap-bot and postcrossing which I recently discovered and to couchsurfing long ago discovered who also rely on the kindness of strangers and help me envision a different world.

Hey, thanks readers. If there are any of you left out there. For taking the time to glance at my writings. It means a lot.

Happy Tofurkey day.

a prayer

2009-11-25T19:32:00.001-08:00

By May Sarton

Help us to be the always hopeful
gardeners of the spirit
who know that without darkness
nothing comes to birth
as without light
nothing flowers.

untitled

2009-11-12T20:52:00.000-08:00

I wrote this quite some time ago but found it yesterday and it matched my feeling yet again. I shared it with a friend and it made me feel like I wanted to share it with more than he solely.

a feeling of sadness washes over me
washes over me but not like the tide over the rocks

not crashing

not softening edges over time

why this feeling?

in the midst of total bliss

with blossoming love

and natural beauty

and air so fresh and crisp it feels at times intoxicating

why this downtrodden face

a frown pulling corners of lips to chin

how?

when each day I’m greeted by fawn chewing dewy morning grass outside my front door

and the turkeys run ‘round the track in a perfect quartet

with funny gobblers and spastic heads

how can you feel as you do?

here in this heaven

how can you pout or complain?

when you are privy to such delight

such endless delight

The Contrariness of the Mad Farmer

2009-04-30T19:42:00.000-07:00

Because it jived with me...

From Farming: A Handbook by Wendell Berry.

I am done with apologies. If contrariness is my inheritance and destiny, so be it. If it is my mission to go in at exits and come out at entrances, so be it. I have planted by the stars in defiance of the experts, and tilled somewhat by incantation and by singing, and reaped, as I knew, by luck and Heaven's favor, in spite of the best advice.
If I have been caught so often laughing at funerals, that was because I knew the dead were already slipping away, preparing for a comeback, and can I help it?
And if at weddings I have gritted and gnashed my teeth, it was because I knew where the bridegroom had sunk his manhood, and knew it would not be resurrected by a piece of cake. "Dance" they told me and I stood still, and while they stood quiet in line at the gate of the Kingdom, I danced.
"Pray" they said, and I laughed, covering myself in the earth's brightness, and then stole off gray into the midst of a revel, and prayed like an orphan.
When they said "I know that my Redeemer liveth," I told them "He's dead." And when they told me "God is dead," I answered "He goes fishing every day in the Kentucky River. I see Him often." When they asked me would I like to contribute I said no, and when they had collected more than they needed, I gave them as much as I had.
When they asked met to join them I wouldn't and then went off by myself and did more than they would have asked. "Well, then" they said "go and organize the International Brotherhood of Contraries," I said 'Did you finish killing everybody who was against peace?" So be it. Going against men, I have heard at time a deep harmony thrumming in the mixture, and when they ask me what I say I don't know. It is not the only or the easiest way to come to the truth. It is one way.

meta-for-me

2009-03-23T19:53:00.000-07:00

[Note: this is somewhat long and quite angsty. To be read in the style of slam poetry.]

There are many metaphors for it.
Look down your nose at them.
On your high horse.
Up on a pedestal.

I’m metaphorically tall.
In reality short.
And quiet.

But in metaphors I scream and turn my nose up at people.
In metaphors
I do abhor
Metaphorical me

And I can point to it
“That!”
The thing to change.
The edges to soften.
The judgments to allow to give way to the gratefulness.

Metaphorical me.
Ivory tower but about to jump.
Looking down on your foldgers coffee and “conventionally” grown broccoli
All the while starving.
All the while being eaten away inside
Stopped by
Pride?

Disengaged. Fully enraged.
Discourse, high horse.
Just say it the way you want, even if it lacks specificity.
At least you’ll share their reality.

Asking, “but how do you define…?”
Keeping this conversation in a bind
While I try to convey the meaning of “truth”
While it gets away.
Off the bus.
And we fuss over the meaning of progress.
I digress.
We regress.
We shoot the shit.
We play with it.
This is fun this back and forth.

Meanwhile the world remains.
Crashing waves of shallow ideas with more power than your highly refined multi-variate, multi-leveled statistical analysis published in the ASR.

What’s your argument?
Where’s your evidence?
How big was your sample size?

My argument is this vent.
My evidence is irreverence.
My sample size is infinite, reprise.

And I’ll have a PhD
A doctorate in knowledge monopoly
A ticket to a lifelong game
Growing egos through departmental fame
Masking this with modesty
And holding fast to the goal that they shant ever see
What’s really going on

This is your brain on grad school.
Year one like pasta salad
Year two like poached eggs
Year three like oatmeal
Come and look at your brain.
Insane.
Refrain.
Fain.

But the hardest part is the response.
Calling it quitting instead of liberation.
Calling it a mistake, ignoring thoughtful deliberation
Making judgments instead of my congratulations cake
Quickly destroying the supports you built up around me
When I was doing things the way you saw fit
The way in which society sanctions it
And now I’m freefalling
Metaphorically
But when I land it will still hurt, and not just rhetorically

NOLA

2009-03-22T12:24:00.000-07:00

I have some serious peeling going on on my upper back and shoulders after getting sunburn in NOLA while working on an extension ladder scraping paint off the eves of a house. It's a reminder of my time spent in New Orleans, 4 days of work 5 nights of play. I learned that I don't know how to pronounce French words, that Bourbon street is not somewhere I'd like to spend much time in, that you can be white and be a minority, that eating fast food more than once a year is too much, that is quite likely easier to travel with friends than family, that I am old, that I am young, that I can carry an extension ladder by myself, that I love beignets, that zydeco music is super fun to dance to, that I can dance with a partner (in this case a 40 something sweaty native who was super sweet and fun to dance with), that I can do without but only for so long, that I am spoiled in a number of ways, that I am making the right decision to leave graduate school, that being in a car for more than 15 hours at a time is too much but it's made more bearable by good conversation, good music, and Dr. Pepper from Race Trac with crushed ice. The most interesting thing I'll come away with is that New Orleans is an incredibly unique place with bizarre happenings. At random, I saw black men dressed as Indians as part of a tribute/celebration, men in skirts smoking out of plastic tubes, the most awkward young, white guys attempting to dance in seriously awesome ways, a parade! where old guys kiss young girls and give them trinkets, and much much more. NOLA's a great city. I hope I get to spend more time in it soon.

I learned even more than that but those things are the first that come to mind. I'll post pictures soon and I'll try to snag the ones I don't have from other folks.

John Holt on Education

2009-02-22T13:01:00.000-08:00

"Education, with its supporting system of compulsory and competitive schooling, all its carrots and sticks, its grades, diplomas, and credentials, now seems to me perhaps the most authoritarian and dangerous of all the social inventions of mankind. It is the deepest foundation of the modern and worldwide slave state, in which most people feel themselves to be nothing but producers, consumers, spectators, and 'fans,' driven more and more, in all parts of their lives, by greed, envy, and fear."

Instead of Education, 1976

too

2009-02-20T19:35:00.000-08:00

too many things to carry
too many worries to worries
too many times I've told you

too much love!
too much love!

too many ideas I never wrote down
too many stones turned over in curiosity
too many stories on the bus ride home

too much for who?
too much for who?

too many storms in the summer
too much artificial light in the room
too many two letter words to memorize

is this too much for you?
is this too much for you?

etiquette

2009-02-18T14:47:00.000-08:00

Is there some kind of blog etiquette regarding length?

If so, I probably violated it last night. Sorry about that.

Off to the gym even though I'm feeling exhausted. Maybe it'll wake me up so I barrel though those last 200 pages of Field Methods articles I have to read. Unlikely. The good news is, my IRB is complete (but not yet approved) so I'm well on my way to another scrabble monday of participant observation. Ooooohhh....

Have a good hump day.

Scrabble, teaching and other thoughts

2009-02-17T19:01:00.000-08:00

I should forewarn my reader(s) that I'm in a bit of a mood. Not necessarily a bad one but neither an especially positive one.

A few thoughts about recent happenings in my life.

First, I am taking a field methods course which requires that I do four hours a week of participant observation. I decided to make my fieldsite the Northampton Scrabble Club (affiliated with the National Scrabble Association). Monday night was my first night there and it was I.N.T.E.N.S.E. The first women I played against asked me if I was good and I had not idea how to answer since I wasn't sure who I was comparing myself to.
The answer I learned after playing four games? No. Not. At. All.
There is, I think, some interesting stuff going on at NSC sociologically so it should be a fruitful project for my course. It is, however, a new source of completely unexpected stress and developing obsession. I have played (only) two games online today and I am studying a cheat sheet in an effort to memorize two and three letter words.

And this is what's so fascinating about this game. There's all kinds of memorization involved. It's not like playing scrabble with the Koppes family where you pretty much have to be able to define the word to play it. Know what zoea means? Me either! But I sure as heck better have it in my brain...and soon. It oddly makes it feel less like a game to me. It is less fun (probably because I don't have these words in my memory stores and if I did, I bet it might just bring me great pleasure to play obsure words I can't define but garner me 50 points).
The biggest issue is that I sincerely want to get better. And not so much for personal gain as for the sake of my research. I think I'll be privy to more information and understanding if I can play against a larger variety of people (we're match by skill level) instead of just the one or two newbies (who still kicked my butt).
Bottom line: sociology is amazing because it's everywhere. Even at scrabble club. And it's pretty nifty that my 'work' is playing scrabble for four hours a week (though it's infinetly more complex than that. More to come...)

Second. I am sad to report that my passion for teaching is being squelched. I think I've misspoken actually. It's not the teaching itself but rather teaching within the system in which I'm employed and a great many people filter through each year, year after year, for the sake of two letters (B.A. or B.S.). I've started reading The Teenage Liberation Handbook: How to Quit School and Get A Real Life and Education (by Grace Llewellyn). I found it through my interest in an alternative school in Hadley. It was the inspiration for the school and the directors suggested it and when I checked it out online I thought it sounded fascinating. It's directed at teenagers, of course, but it's useful for me both academically and personally. The author tells her personal story in the beginning and she sounds similiar to me in many ways. That was really comforting. But what is less comforting, what is in fact jarring, is that her final conclusion was that she simply couldn't teach within traditional school systems (or even untraditional ones...she didn't want to teach in an institution that had compulsory education). And I'm starting to feel really with her on this one.

Part of it is that I'm TAing for a wonderful, wonderful professor. I wish I could say enough nice things abotu this person because she really deserves showers of praise. She's a great lecturer and has the ability to engage students in a large lecture (225 students) and generate discussion to some extent (two great feats). The issues I'm having spring up around the rules of the class and also around grading (which is just a part of the system). The larger the class, the more rules you need to create simply to maintain order (or more accurately, avoid chaos) and get things done (not even to be efficient, just to get it done however you can). Without the rules people get confused and since there are so many of them and so few of us and they aren't inclined to ask questions to clairfy, thing get messy. All that to say, I get why the rules are in place. I see the practicality of them.

Nonetheless, this structures much (all?) of my interactin with my students outside of class and discussion time. I get upset e-mails about how restrictive the guidelines are for writing papers. Irritation at being required to print off articles (there's no book) rather than being able to read them from the computer screen in discussion. The list goes on and on. One student cried to me last Friday no over, but triggered by, getting a zero on a paper (which amounts to less than one percent of her final grade). And I have relatively well thought out ideas about pedagogy and such. The Teaching Sociology course I took last semester was so helpful to me in thinking out ideas but I am so constrained in a so many ways that my level of frustration has risen.
My temporary solution is to spend some time on Friday talking about my ideas about pedagogy and education. I am an advocate for honesty with my student and I'd like them to know how frustrating it is for me to have most or all of my interactions centered around clarification of the rules and contestation of very minor grades. I want to say this in such a way that both fosters understanding (their understanding of my position on these things but also a recognition that I understand or am trying to or at least want to understand where they are coming from) AND indicates that these problems are born from the structure of the system (which means I'm doing sociology too!). It also allows me to address the swath of e-mails I've gotten as well as those not sent but rattling aroud in people's heads.

Most people will probably stare at me blankly as I give my spiel. And this too is part of the problem. But what am I to do? [This is a real question!] Someone who cares about teaching and education and fostering critical thinking trying to swim against a strong current. And I can't swim. Not in this metaphor any way. And I'm invested and I care so telling myself to just view this as a job or just get through it isn't ok (not just because I care but also because I believe in living, going through the process, not closing my eyes to awake after the moment has passed).

What are my other thoughts? Well. I've been incorporating activities into myself to try to have one (a life) outside of school. I'm cylcing 1-3 times a week, taking voice lessons, and now scrabbling. I'm also trying to bring back craft night and draw more (I started in January but it trailed off since the semster started). Doing these things feel great...the activities themselves and the ways it shapes my life as a result of just having them in my schedule. I've been more productive and focused lately and that feels so nice. Sometimes I think about this "jack of all trades, master of none" thing though and wonder if I should commit to one thing and do it more often. I don't think it's in my nature though. Even with scrabble I was thinking, who would want to spend that much time learning wording and playing to improve their game and strategy? It seems wasteful to me since time is such a precious resource. The same with singing. I love it but I don't forsee myself spending oodles and oodles of time on it given that I'm not going (or trying to go) anywhere with it as a profession or anything else. But I do with I had more time to work on the things I am involved in already that require practice and skill building.

Which is why I think someone should sponsor my life. So money is no object! Now accepting applications.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far. I might just be back in the blogosphere (and came back with a bang!).

American Dreamer

2009-02-02T07:10:00.000-08:00

This is an interesting post from Cafe Hayek. I can't figure out how to link directly to this post only so I'll just repost it here.

January 30, 2009

An attitude problem

A Zogby poll from this month found that 56% of the American people still "believe in the American Dream." Zogby is impressed that a majority still believes. What I found interesting were the reasons that disbelievers gave for their lack of faith:

44%: "The powers that be don't care about people like me."

29%: "Americans shouldn't think of themselves as special and entitled to an ideal life."

27%: "Where I live, it costs too much, and the American Dream is just out of reach."

14%: Not sure or other.

10%: "I am a pessimist."

8%: "I have been forced to take a lower-paying job."

7%: "I don't have enough education and can't afford to go back to school."

7%: "I recently lost my job and am out-of-work."

So the overwhelming reason for rejecting the American Dream is a lack of caring on the part of the powerful. I assume that if they thought the powerful people did care about them then they could believe in economic opportunity.

If that really captures their outlook, then my view and their view of how the world works is very different.

Create your own bike lane.

2009-01-24T13:16:00.000-08:00

This is just neat.

Sociologist #8 top job!

2009-01-17T14:30:00.000-08:00

From Career Cast.com (find it here):

    BEST
   1)  MATHEMATICIAN
   2)  ACTUARY
   3)  STATISTICIAN
   4)  BIOLOGIST
   5)  SOFTWARE ENGINEER
   6)  COMPUTER SYSTEMS ANALYST
   7)  HISTORIAN
   8)  SOCIOLOGIST
   9)  INDUSTRIAL DESIGNER
   10) ACCOUNTANT

   WORST
   1)  LUMBERJACK
   2)  DAIRY FARMER
   3)  TAXI DRIVER
   4)  SEAMAN
   5)  EMERGENCY MEDICAL TECHNICIAN
   6)  ROOFER
   7)  GARBAGE COLLECTOR
   8)  WELDER
   9)  ROUSTABOUT
   10) IRONWORKER

365 Project Part 1

2009-01-10T12:32:00.001-08:00

The first 8 days of January in fotos.

Change Blindness

2009-01-07T23:40:00.001-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAnKvo-fPs0

watch this.
it's interesting.

"We'll make a snow angel and if they make fun of us, we'll make another one"

2008-12-20T14:16:00.001-08:00

Said Emo.

Sometimes social interactions are so bizarre.
Made weirder when one party is sober and the other less-than.

Just went to Dandie and the Underworld. A rad indie boutique that sells the wares of local crafters and artists. The mission: buy a Christmas gift for a crafty pal of mine.

The thing about Dandie's is that they don't pay their employees. Volunteers work the counter. And today Emo was working and we talked about snow. And Metallica. And bracelets and tee-shirt transformations (into bags...he'd just made one).

He was a peculiar dude to say the least. As I left he introduced himself by name,
"I'm Emo."
Extends hand.
"Mary."
Shake.
"You have a beautiful smile."
Laughs. "See you around, Emo."

It was like a scene from a movie without the romance and soberness. Without the knowing the person first but also without the spontaneity that comes from just having met. The commercial exchange created a barrier, I think.

No snow angels tonight. After all, I don't much like being out in the snow.

a very tiny poem

2008-12-14T16:29:00.000-08:00

chest pains
right side
other people
focus
why?

breathe in
closed eyes
hand on heart
still
why?

cranky

2008-12-07T19:44:00.000-08:00

I had a weekend nearly full of good moods and happiness. I had some personal success last week and now I'm feeling like a total crank-monster.
Oy.

I'll try again tomorrow. Off to read in bed and avoid the freezing cold and serious wind outside. (you should hear it!)

Cooperation

2008-12-07T07:00:00.001-08:00

At the risk of sounding like a serious Socialist (the dreaded "S" word), I tried to convince my students in one discussion section on Friday that we don't have to have a "zero sum" (where my gain is necessarily your loss) viewpoint. That it might just be possible to set out to better everyone's position, even if it happens that one party ends up better-better-better and another just better. To give a bit of context, we were talking about immigration policy and whether we should be primarily concerned with Americans and if so which groups of Americans (business owners and low wage workers have much different stakes in this) or if we should be concerned with the immigrants themselves, with what's going on in their home country that leads them to migrate. And there was, overall, a very American-centric viewpoint being stressed so I wanted to challenge them to think not exclusively of the wellbeing of other countries, but of all of us. Which makes their task so much harder but, I think, more worthwhile.

I posted a quote from the book I'm reading called Language in Thought and Action by two Hayawaka's. I'll post another now which speaks somewhat to what I posted above and is also something that I think is worth considering and keeping in mind when we hear the same sad story about the competitive "nature" of humans and all that jazz...

"But what such a philosophy [that conflict is the great governing principle of human life] overlooks is that despite all the competition at the surface, there is a huge substratum of cooperation taken for granted that keeps the world going. The coordination of the efforts of actors, writers, engineers, musicians, photographers, utility companies, typists, program directors, advertising agencies, and hundreds of others is required to create a single television program... This network of cooperation is intricate and complex, and it has been relatively effective. But because it rests so profoundly upon human agreement, it is also fragile."

Just a thought for Sunday morning.

Free gifts... and it's not even your birthday

2008-12-03T06:41:00.000-08:00

"The cultural accomplishments of the ages, the invention of cooking, of weapons, of writing, of printing, of methods of building, of games and amusements, of means of transportation, and the discoveries of all the arts and sciences comes to us as free gifts from the dead. These gifts, which none of us has done anything to earn, offer us not only the opportunity for a richer life than any of our forebears enjoyed by also the opportunity to add to the sum total of human achievement by our own contributions, however small."
Language in Thought and Action by S.I and Alan R Hayakawa

j is for jump

2008-12-02T21:21:00.000-08:00

And this is jump (as captured by Sara Visconti). Paul just posted about this photographic dictionary and I thought it exciting in light of my visual sociology thoughts so I'm reposting.
I wish my mock teaching wasn't scheduled for Thursday. I might well incorporate this into my activity for that day. I have something pretty groovy planned, I think, using intersections, roads, pedestrians, and unorthodox uses the roadways (critical mass!! street protests, etc). I'll collected an assortment of photos from flickr (woot for public use) and I'll be showing them to the class who them has to tell me what story the photo might be able to tell about society, what it can't tell, and how it's "organization context" (the context in which it was produced including photographic standards, technology available, budgetary concerns, skills, etc) influences our thoughts. All of this is grounded in an article by Howard S. Becker (i'm having an intellectual love affair with him...cheating on Postman) who wrote a wonderful article called "Telling About Society."
Plus I'm being videotaped. Weird!
I'll letcha know how it goes.

Mary what are you thinkin'? Mary when will you learn?

2008-11-30T20:01:00.000-08:00

Guess what song that's from.
2 points if you get it right.

I'm back in MA. Have been for 48 hours almost exactly. In that time I've managed to grade 34 papers (of 48 by my count) which are due back on Friday. The ones I've graded today I'll have to look at again because I got really cranky. I went from giving tons of B's to tons of C's. Maybe they deserved them but I don't trust cranky Mary to grade.

I've been thinking a lot lately. I realized in my trip back home that I avoid thinking reflexively at a deep level. I'll have thoughts of a reflective nature but I tend to discard them rather than deal with them. Grapple with them. Hold them in my brain and dissect them. And that's bothersome to me because I think of myself as someone who is reflective. (I'm so good, I fooled myself). More than that, I hold that trait in high regard. I admire people who live constantly questioning themselves (and others) and trying to improve which requires facing your weakness and making commitments to making changes.
At some level, though, I don't feel ready to face myself. I have gotten exceptionally good at avoidance. I might say it's one of my strengths. I've worked hard at developing this. Learning to deal with not dealing with things. Sometimes these things are of great importance too. Sigh.

Sorry I'm writing in the abstract. It too is an avoidance strategy. That way I don't have to tell you what I'm actually thinking about. The thoughts themselves. This here is just the thoughts about the thoughts. I'll let you in on concrete part when I have it more figure out. I realized that I often reveal thing to you (my readers and/or cyberspace) as I'm revealing them to myself. You are my journal. And because I know and trust those of you who read (at least those who I know are reading because they post comments), I feel okay with this. But I don't think I can interrogate myself the way that I really need to via this blog. The medium is the message says Marshall McLuhan and this isn't the right medium to deliver this message. Or for me to formulate the message to my satisfaction.

Here's the skinny though: I've been thinking about relationships (both romantic and non) and loneliness. About my future. About my talents and ability and desire to use them in particular ways. About my judgementalness. About identity, identity groups, and being "myself" outside of one. About how I want to live and how that measures up to how I am living. About being motivated and slacking. About insecurity and confidence.

That's a lot of stuff isn't it? Yeah. I know. Wish me well.

I hope all of you are doing ok. If not take a moment right now and close your eyes and put your hand on your heart (to the skin not your shirt) and just feel that. Beat. Beat. Beat. And think on that for at least 30 seconds. More if you're moved to. Hey, try it even if you are doing ok. It might just make you more ok.

Love and more love.
MK

RIP Dad

2008-11-23T16:56:00.000-08:00

For those of you whom I have not yet told, my father passed away this week. My family and I drove to Manhattan, Kansas to attend his service on Saturday and to spread his ashes in the grave where his father, my Grandpa Ralph, and some other members of his family are buried. I'd like this to be somewhat an a e-memorial for him but I'm not quite sure what to say. I've had a rocky relationships with him...somtimes no relationship at all.

All weekend my uncles and aunt gushed about how much he loved his kids. Thought I never felt this love, I do feel that I have to believe them. It didn't sound like they were saying it just to say something. Something cliche or othewise. In fact, grappling for kind things to say about my dad, positive things, people often turned to "he loved his kids; he has great kids."

I've tried to write a few times about this. About how I feel. In poetry or prose. But I can't get more than two lines down. I will say, as my sister Annie says also, I feel at peace. Though I don't have beliefs on the afterlife, I do think that his death marks the end of many years of suffering and pain (mental and physical) and for that I am grateful.

His obituary:

http://www.ymlfuneralhome.com/YMLObituaryDetail.Asp?ONumber=961&From=Past

this

2008-11-16T10:55:00.001-08:00

he sat on the curb and looked at his feet
and then, although fleeting, looked up at me
avoiding eye contact he looked around
all the while wondering who'd want to live in this town

I stared impolitely, fixed in my gaze
on his striking features brightening the haze
he remained stubborn looking down, and then past me
I eventually walked away thinking, "if only he'd asked me..."

Awkward, socially and otherwise

2008-11-08T09:00:00.000-08:00

Academics don't exactly have a reputation as the most sociable people. But I don't exactly have a reputation as the most academic person. And I've never really thought of myself as someone who was awkward in social interactions. Sometimes fake, that's my mask I guess, but never awkward. I think this is related to a decision I made some time ago that I just wouldn't feel awkward. Awkward moments come only with the consent of both parties and I don't consent. At least not very often.
But my housemate and former housemate and I were watching America's Next Top Model last night and Molly, the current hm, said, "Oh my God, Mary, you remind me of her!" And "her" was Marjorie. The shows most awkward character. And my former housemate agreed! What!? Once I find a good clip of Marjorie, I'll post it here. In the meantime I'll be trying to figure this out. And buy coffee for my mama who will be here in 3 hours. Yeeee!

Life

2008-11-05T21:24:00.001-08:00

I am proud of myself today. Here's why: I had a dreaded (on my part at least) confrontation with the person I blogged about a few days ago. When I say confrontation I don't mean fight...it was a scheduled meeting but I had to confront him and myself with regard to behaviors of this that affect me in negative ways. I don't think I was the most effective communicator I could possible be. I was trying to be clear and specific about my concerns but at the same time not offend him or say things in ways that might make him defensive. This is a tall order! Despite my communication issues I think I did fairly well and I feel we are both going to make a sincere effort to improve the situation. Though he made it clear that for various reasons we can just call life, he won't be able or willing to change certain things that matter very much to me leaving some unresolved/unresolvable conflict. So goes it.
In the course of our conversation he gave me various, uh, compliments. Yeah. I think they were compliments. Though I honestly wasn't sure how to understand him at the time. He said he was "convinced that I'm a better teacher than him" which he brought up because he "thought he could learn from me and wanted to do so." That's really nice, right? The fact that he also made clear to me that teaching doesn't rank high on his list of things he wants to spend too much time and energy on or be particularly good at somehow made this compliment less compelling. Nonetheless it was very nice of him to say.
I did leave disheartened, and herein comes the unresolvable conflict, that he basically laid out for me his priorities of which teaching was not high on the list. It's not as if I haven't learned by now that lots of professor rank teaching pretty low or devalue it in some way. I have learned this. But it continues to pain me in some way. I'd love to be in, and think I'd thrive in, a department where there was a very positive teaching culture and where teaching was expected to and actually did rank high on the list of priorities. Where I felt normal rather than marginalized and out of place. But alas, I stick out. I have for a while. In 8th grade choir there is video footage of me acting kooky and talking, uh, expressively directly behind a student who was singing a solo. I stole the show! (and got in trouble for it).

In other news, my mama is coming to visit this weekend. Yippee for family and a decently warm fall weekend in New England. Maybe we'll go see the glacial potholes and enjoy hot chocolate at the Book Mill. We might get really crazy and go on a day trip. Get. Out.

My second round of paper grading commenced on Monday. Of 44 I have 11 completed. Not a bad start. I have instituted a systematic grading, um, system. There will be a legend to decipher symbols and such and it helps me fly though the papers. I'm also typing comments which is so much easier than writing them by hand. And more legible. And generally more awesome. Some students are writing beautiful papers...other are getting D's. Yay for bi-modal distributions.

Oh...and Happy Obama day. We named it. Why? Because so many people felt like it was a special day and acted bouncier than usual. I'm think it's interesting that MO is so close in the presidential race and that 83% of voters voted to add a constitutional amendment to make English the official langauge of governmental meetings. This seems to display a strong symbolic message as well (no foreigners!) but maybe I'm not giving MO folks enough credit. I must say, MA is boring political...there's no suspense and, worse, nothing for me to get huffy about. I have to get worked up about third party candidates now instead of silly conservatives ruling the land. Sad. =)

Visual sociology

2008-11-04T09:22:00.001-08:00

I submitted two pictures and some commentary to Sociological Images a blog though Contexts magazine (journal?). One is posted here. The other should be up late tonight.

Weeee!

Democ(k)racy.

2008-11-04T08:58:00.000-08:00

This darned election is bringing up all sorts of conflicting feelings for me.
I want Nader to have a strong showing to serve the function of 3rd parties...to get issues that dems and reps agree (implicitly at least) to ignore.

Free (or severely reduced cost) higher ed? Never heard a word about it from McCain or Obama. Sure they talk about education. This election it's really been short shrifted though because of all the worry about the economy. Though one may argue that this is rightfully so, that is that some things are more important than others, I see these things as related. Now if only someone could propose education reform. Serious reform.

Addressing poverty? McCain and Obama only seem to notice or attend to, pander to if one wants a more loaded expression, the middle class. Though I realize that we operate, as a nation, with the idea that this is a classless or mostly classless society, I, as a sociologist and critical citizen, am aware that people living poverty and poor working class people are a reality. And they ought not be systematically ignored. They ought not be made invisible by throwing them in with the "middle class." This, I might also say, is also related to our economic woes and our economic system and our economic priorities. In 1996 we pretty much agreed to stop "bailing out" or, in any real way, helping out those in poverty at the receiving end of government assistance. Are more people off welfare? Yep. By design in fact. Is poverty still a serious social problem? Yep. An unintended consequence of this design. Do many people work jobs at below living wages? Yep. And there are real consequences to all this...social ones, psychological ones, health ones.

The things I really care about aren't adequately addressed by the major 2. I realize this is a byproduct of our political system. I realize, further, that there are real consequences of 4-8 years of McCain (or Obama but I think I'll choose his consequences both intended and unintended over McCain). I do not agree with McCain on the role of government-- there to protect your right to bear arms and children (even if against your wishes or will) but not to protect ones basic human rights not to starve. I'm sure he'd say that the market will take care of it but for the past 30 years we've seen this isn't so. We've also seen that free markets aren't free...they are illusions. We still regulate in ways that privilege certain industries. We have protectionist policies. Etc. These quasi-free markets are not delivery some folks basic necessities and are giving others excesses that Jesus would balk at. So I'd be upset if McCain wins. I think it would have real negative consequences for my and other folks lives. I think it would perpetuate inequality.
Do I think Obama is the better choice? Absolutely. Do I think he is the best choice? No. Do I believe in the lesser of two evils argument? No. And here's the conflict. I don't want McCain (the non-lesser evil) but I don't want to send the implicit message that Obama or this two party system is ok with me.
So I voted for Nader. Mass will go Obama no doubt. And I'll remain stuck in my conflict hoping for the best or at least the least worst :)

Another thought I had this morning while voting: It took me all of 10 minutes to walk to my polling place, get my ballot, vote, and walk home. I woke up with a sense of urgency to vote. I woke up aware that women in some parts of the world, and entire populations in some parts of the world and periods in history, aren't allowed to vote. Nonetheless if I had to wait 3 hours I probably wouldn't. I don't think I was quite that driven. But this is a reality for some folks. And though it seems more likely that this would be a broader trend this election, last election it hit minority and poor populations even harder. They had the longest waits. And now I have white, wealthy guilt (no I'm not wealthy but I am relatively well off and live in a wealthy town) for not having to wait knowing that others do. And will. God bless 'em. Or whatever secular phrase serves the same purpose.

Thanks for sitting though this long blog which maybe says nothing.
I love my readers.

(Don't!) Mind your own business

2008-11-02T15:52:00.000-08:00

I've had a lot on my mind lately. Or should I say in my mind? It's not as if these thoughts are sitting atop the metaphysical mind.

I'll start with one that seems particularly salient lately. Ever heard the phrase "mind your own business"? Sure you have. It is typically spoken by parties who are offended when one gives unsolicited advice with a particularly judgemental tone. Or even in the defense of a party who is being speculated about but is not involved directly in the conversation (P1:"Poor people shouldn't spend their money on cigarettes."P2: "Mind your own business. You don't know their situation.")
Well mind your own business or variants thereof (that's none of your business, why do you care?, etc) are, to my mind, the enemy of people who care about other people. Let me try to explain this in a comprehensible way (I'm still working it out).
I feel as if I often encounter people who encourage me to ignore the lives (and struggles or, sometimes, successes) of others. To the extent that they say this because of my lack of information about the lives of others (real others or abstract Others), I am willing to concede that judgments without knowledge or details are flawed (but then again we, as humans, are flawed...but lacking knowledge our judgments are perhaps more flawed?). However, I am unwilling to concede to the underlying spirit that people ought not take an interest in the lives of others no matter how strange a stranger they are.
I also believe this to be the case for non-strangers. This manifests itself in a slightly different way. Usually it has to do with confronting (in a neutral way) those we care about about their harmful habits or ways of living. There seems to be this general idea, a silent pact of sorts, that you don't call me out on my weakness and I'll reciprocate by ignoring yours.
Where I think I differ from some (most?) is that I believe we have a responsibility (based on what I am not quite sure) to help improve others just as they have a responsible to help us improve. That is, accepting the status quo can be (I might even say is usually) quite harmful to ourselves and others. We often do this because of social norms to be polite or follow individualism (look out only for yourself) or other things I'm not thinking of. The point is we have a lot of incentive for keeping quiet and operating with an "ignore 'em!" attitude but little incentive for active participation in the improvement of others.
Let me try to make this more concrete.
I am TAing for a professor who has many personal deficiencies. Don't take my word for it...you can ask at least 3 of the other current TA's, several of his past TAs or mentees, and several of his colleagues...there's a real consensus of what said deficiencies are. He also happens to be a socialist (which I do not include in the "personal deficiencies" category) which I think makes it logical for me to conclude that he must regard in some way the well being of others. Despite this he is often completely inconsiderate of the time, feelings, or thoughts of those he interacts with. He talks too much, repeats himself often (which amounts to talking too much x2, x3, etc), cuts people off, talks in such a way that you cannot interrupt without breaking social conventions, and is quite firm in his views (despite purporting to be open).
I was listening to a zencast the other day (shout out to ALK!) in which the lecturer was explaining a man with similar behaviors. The lecturer then explained that his man was violating the Buddhist principle of non-violence. He interpreted these inconsiderate behaviors as a form of violence against him. I had never quite thought of it this way but it makes sense to me. It's not violence in the way we typically conceive of it (ka-pow...fist in the face, bullet in the back) but it's violence to the extent that it causes injury, damage, hurt. And it does. I have to meet with him for about 15 hours a month (a conservative estimate) plus interact with him at least two days every week and I leave frustrated, angered, irritated, with headaches, or in worse moods than I came. And this is the same for others I've talked to (with the exception of one man who is particularly laid back and handles it by finding humor in his actions).
And I want to confront him. I want to say, "I will reserve judgment of your character but I find fault in your behaviors and I'd like for us to assess them together." That sounds really professional or detached or something but this is part of the point. Who knows how to say these things? We don't have a habit or practice of this. And this is my whole point! We don't tend to confront people who have glaring personal faults which cause harm to those they interact with (and thus themselves if they aren't totally selfish). But shouldn't we? Would we all be better if we had some way of bringing this up. Of talking about it. And we could do it in a non-violent way (since I'm against the violence against me I am certainly against me dishing it out) if, say, we trusted that others are well intended and open to receiving such criticisms themselves. We can be affectionate critics...confronting because of our genuine concern for the betterment of selves and others. It could be a cultural deal we strike with one another. It could be an awesome upward spiral of betterness and learning to be less egotistical and more open to criticism.
So whaddya think? Am I total out of my mind? I'm open to hearing that but I really do feel strongly that this would be a positive thing for people. And I'm trying this on my own even though it possibly has negative consequences. I try to bring up, in the least offensive ways possible, the deficiencies of others when I see a glaring pattern that is harmful. I'd also suggest, as a complement to this, that we make a habit of pointing out the strengths of others. The reasons we continue to have them in our lives (when it's a choice); the reasons on which you base your criticisms anyway (that is to say you have to care about them, genuinely, before this can work in the first place. So why do you care?). You might even make it a habit of doing this at twice the rate of the criticisms...at least at first when we are all adjusting.

Also if you have suggestions for how to deal with the concrete situation I presented above (something that plagues me) please do tell. Maybe the answer is that I should not be bothered by his actions (I have no idea how this is possible) and that I should accept it because I "can't change him anyway" (I'm assuming everyone can be changed. We change all the time. Even though he's quite, shall we say, mature) and thus should "mind my own business." I'd like more creative answers than those if possible because if you're reading this blog chances are you one of the things I appreciate about you if your creativity, ability to be supportive of others, and general awesomeness.

I'm pretty sure I'm insulted by this

2008-10-25T21:10:00.000-07:00

http://www.torontosun.com/life/2008/10/24/7193011.html

The kicker is the winner gets a trip to D.C. for the presidential inauguration (and $10k). I don't imagine there has been a similar strip-a-like contest for Obama, McCain, or Biden. Three of things are not like the other.

Blurbs!

2008-10-18T15:07:00.000-07:00

Hi ya'll!

A few things. One of the blogs I follow, Fire and Knowledge, led me to this link on the Chicago Tribunes endorsement of Obama which "makes some history for the Chicago Tribune. This is the first time the newspaper has endorsed the Democratic Party's nominee for president." Interesting tidbit.

I also wanted to promote my pal Paul who is kicking ass with a project he and his company, RedHouse, have started called The Helium Project. He's invited local (Oklahoma) artists in his home to play and build the music and arts community in Oklahoma City. The performances are being filmed and recorded for those of us in other parts of the country to enjoy as well. Check out the videos here. Too lazy to click the link? I've embedded on here (my fav so far) for your viewing pleasure.

Ali Harter - Untitled #3 from The Helium Project on Vimeo.

Talk about entrepenuership!

Other news: I'm obsessed with John Stewart lately and I've realized that watching television, though frustrating, makes it easier for me to have conversations with people. I don't know if I should be happy or sad about this.
I am in the midst of grading about 60 papers on race and racism in America from the 1950's to present day. Most are atrocious, as usual. Or my standards are too high and I'm a meanie. I'm thinking of offering a writing workshop for interested students because I really enjoy helping people improve their writing and learn how to get their thoughts onto paper in an organized way that shows the reader they know their stuff. We'll see...I like to add to my burdens.
I bought my plane ticket to MO. I'll be there December 22 through January 3 (I think). MO folks, make time for me pleeeeze!

Wish you all could see the purple and pink sky around the mountain I am seeing right now. It's beautiful and so is the rest of Western Mass in October. I wish for eternal October.

Steps

2008-10-14T13:08:00.000-07:00

I just submitted an abstract to the Eastern Sociological Association to present a paper at their conference in March. If accepted this will be my first conference presentation.

I feel like I could puke. It makes me nervous to think that I might have something presentable by March. I am normally not scared of public speaking but when the speaking is of sociological things (original research nonetheless) I get anxious.

psychic pain and the lessons of teaching

2008-10-10T21:40:00.000-07:00

Revised 10-11-08 @ 12:03 pm.

I'll begin with an aside. I just returned from a show (on the UMass campus in the reading room...odd) in which two amazing bands played. One of them is Heaven People and the other (my fav) is Prince Rama of Ayodhya. I loved PRoA mainly because they had audience participation...more like audience integration (I played the tambourine!!!! and I sang at one point). It made me think of the usefulness of Freire's banking concept of education and the consumer model of education (and everything else!). The banking model is that teachers make knowledge "deposits" into children with presumable empty accounts. The children then save up the knowledge (and spend it come test time?) and who ever has the most wins. That's a crude interpretation but I thought it worked with live music to some extent. We go with empty music accounts and musicians make deposits (their tunes) and we leave all filled up (and them expended?). Also, in my participation and integration into the show (and I should make clear it wasn't just me, it was all audience members) I became aware of how I normally am at shows which is a consumer...a passive one at that. Add money to the equation and it really feels like a transaction. The show tonight was by donation and the merch was sold on a sliding scale. IT makes me want to do a project on grassroots music/underground/black market music and how this challenges traditional economic notions and models. Ooooh. Fun.

Onto what the title summarizes.
I taught today for the umpteenth time. I didn't feel especially prepared and the discussions were only semi-structured. This model worked well for me last time I did it but I wasn't sure how it would go this week. My first section was wonderful. They are insightful and prepared and take responsibility for creating a meaningful discussion. They also do not dissent. My second section are mostly unengaged students who aren't prepared or, usually, thoughtful. I receive a bit of dissent which tends to come from one dude who I feel able to meaningfully challenge without giving away that he isn't thinking sociologically (or reflectively in many cases). My third section...oh third section. They are very energetic typically and they are also quite unpredictable. This is hard for me to deal with because I don't think on my feet very well. I want to have these great responses that are well formulated and delivered gently but powerfully. But I don't (but I will...just you wait. Give me 32 years). There are many dissenters there...people who challenge me in various ways and there's solidarity among the dissenters which creates an entirely different dynamic.
I love section three. I hate section three. I think they are engaged. I think they are falling back too easily on what they are comfortable with. And my main goal in educating is to challenge people's thinking and create "benign disruption." I want to introduce other possibilities. I want to shake up their world. I want to tell them that things aren't as they seem (often) and that their social world affects them in ways that they are often encouraged to deny.
But along with this comes psychic pain. Just as when we work out our bicepts or quads or whatever other muscle and it's painful and uncomfortable and stressful for our bodies-- when we work our brains it's also painful. I feel like this. I have been like "sure, sure...it's painful to have your world view challenge. Yeah, yeah it's hard to be critical of yourself and the society you've grown up in which has conferred you certain privileges or disadvantages. You mean I didn't make it to the top on my own? By my own hard work? No! Sorry buster." But today I felt it... I mean I felt it. Of my female students, who I'd characterize as traditional with regard to gender norms especially around mothering (she wants to be a stay at home mom) was clearly unhappy or tense or something else that is generally negative and in some way uncomfortable to painful during class today. We were talking about gender and mothering/parenting/family. We talked about how women and men are socialized differently and then act in different ways and feel differently capable with regard to family. We talked quite a bit about how these things come to feel normal and we call them natural and this goes largely unchallenged. We talked about biological arguments about gender differences and what sociology can do to help us understand gender in a different way. But many of these students, men and women alike and this woman in particular, don't "zoom out" (as I say) and try to peer into this society as if they are an outsider free of values to examine what is going on and why it happens. They aren't able analyze because their minds are in it...they believe the very things I'm asking them to stop taking for granted. To pick up in their thoughts and play with...to inspect them. And it hurt! It hurt her. And, as a result, it hurt me. Or at least made me feel bad.
But, shocker, it also made me feel so good. This is my goal! Not the pain part but the challenging part...the thinking part. The questioning part. I fear that I am able to provoke them to think though and then I don't present meaningful things to think about different from what they already think. I'm afraid of reinforcing their beliefs by presenting critiques or alternative ideas that are too "out there" or that I present it in such a way that is, for whatever reason, distasteful to them. Gender equality? Yuck! Space carved out for living (or family or whatever) guaranteed by law or policy? Icky! We want personal choice...not government or employers telling us what to do. Gah-ross!
It wasn't just think woman that really spoke to me today though. Others were asking really insightful questions. Not about gender and work but about the possibilities and limits of sociology. About where values fit into this. About the complicated nature of social problem and the subsequent difficult of social change. I got excited. Visibly. I told them they are awesome and these thoughts, unsolicited by me, showed me they were really thinking about these things... grappling with them, challenging them, trying to figure out the mystery that is sociology. I couldn't ask for more. But I am not sure how well I handle it. I have an undergraduate teaching assistant (a student who took the class in the past and now helps me out in various ways) who claims that I handled it just fine. She actually complimented me and that made me feel good. It was funny, she thought, that I appear so confident in front of the students only to reveal to her when the room is empty that I was nervous and completely unsure of how to handle their reactions , criticisms, big thoughts.
Summary: Teaching difficult. It is also rewarding. It also offers up it's own lessons about people, about thinking, about possibilities for change and my role in making that happen. Said visually:
Revision: After thinking some about Deans comment I am now wondering about my remark about my passivity at shows. My initial formulation of this was that I am passive because I am standing there, facing the the stage, watching the musicians, and I'm not actively involved in the production nor am I involved in affecting the musicians in any way. After thinking some more about it this is clearly not true. There is (at least often there seems to be) interaction between musicians and their audiences (especially at small venues or shows). I dance, scream, provide some kind of 'energy' in the room, clap to show I like it (or because I'm following a norm), smile when I like it, scrunch my face when I'm confused (have you been to the Brain Exchange?!). I sometimes yell "encore!" And often in successful attempts to get the musicians to come back after leaving the stage and play more even though they were officially finished. I can only imagine that while some things might be set, like their set list of songs or something, that other things are influenced by this interaction between audience and musician. If we all look pissed or angry because they playing drunk and sloppily they may be encouraged to sober up a bit (a bad example but all I've got at the moment). Further, some of the best shows I've seen are ones where the audience members do become quite passive in that we are in somewhat of a trance. We are consumed by the music, enveloped in it. But if we weren't the musicians didn't do their job. The interaction, in that sense, didn't work. In producing our passivity we are, in some way, giving back to the musician. I thank Dean for pointing this out.
I am still grappling over the differentness of the interaction between audience and musician at 'traditional' shows versus at the show I went to last night where I was, in some respect, integrated into the show. I was part of the production of the sound which felt to me like a much more active role than I normal have at shows. And I liked it. It was more satisfying in some way. That probably has a lot to do with the fact that I am musically not brave and I want to be. Badly. So it felt freeing to be able to play something an have people hear it and know it was coming from me (and not boo me or ask me to leave or give me evil eyes). Aside from, or in addition to, playing the tambourine I also sang. I've been told in (usually) lovingly teasing ways that I am a bad singer. So I believed it....scratch that, I still do believe it actively. But I love singing. I am brave enough to sing around a few close friends and fam (who still tell me to shush sometimes) and I even wrote and sang a song for Annie and she enjoyed it but I'd like to feel free to sing and be heard. Even if on the street. Or on my bike (which I tend to do on the commute to school). I might even install a bikerophone and karaoke on my ride :)

My absence

2008-10-09T15:45:00.000-07:00

Please excuse my absence lately in the blogosphere. I haven't had too many uber-inspirational moments that lead me to post but on top of that I've been a boo-hoo-er about my life lately.
The good news is...it's a different kind of boo-hooing that I usually do (e.g. I wanna quit grad school. I don't like MA. etc). The bad news is it's about me! Bad news for me, that is, not any of you.
Do you ever just get sick of yourself? I am trying to be a reflexive thinker about more than what I learn...about myself and it's sort of driving me insane because now I'm aware of things that I'd like to change but I feel stuck. I'm quite frustrated because of it.
Part of the reason I've been trying to be more reflective is that Annie visited in August and she's all about awareness (to put it crudely) and that got me thinking. She' good for that...getting people thinking. "Planting seeds" as we say about teaching our students to think critically. Another part of the reason is that I've been doing acupuncture for a few weeks now and part of the deal is that it's holistic health which means mind, body, and soul. I really like it because of that because I've been getting chronic headaches since I began grad school (which I never had before) and I was convinced they were stress related. My acupuncturist encourages me to talk about and think about my thoughts and thought processes that happen as I began to get these headaches and in general when I am feeling either good or bad.
The difficult part is that I have to face my negative (Christian would say "hater"), judgmental, hyper-critical self. At the same time, it's not productive or helpful for me to turn that critique (the negatively charged critique anyway) inward. And thus I have a conundrum. Part of what I want to do is to be more gentle with people, to make fewer assumptions about others, to ask for questions, and to be sincere in my caring about other people. But I don't know how to do that...not with others or with myself.
Steph suggested that I try to act the way I want to be and, though it will likely be completely insincere at first, I can sort of grow into it. This is what I do with teaching and what I do as a graduate student. It's what Postman means when he writes about what it means to be a sociologist or a biologist or any other "ist." We observe others acting the part, how they speak and their mannerism and we mimic it. Most importantly, in his view, we learn the language, the jargon, the "discourse" and we learn how to use it properly.
But in the case of sincerity and caring it makes little sense to me to 'talk it'. People are pretty wise to fakes and, as the old cliche goes, actions speak louder than words.

My solution? Hope to be 80. Yes, I am already bodily an old woman (I take 6 pills in the morning!....no fear, they are supplements) so maybe I can be soul-y 80 as well. After all I can't explain how I came to be bodily 80 (although I have my theories which go way back to my birth) so maybe I'll miraculously be soul-y 80. I'm fairly certain by then I'll be much more gentle than I am now. I'll have more faith in people and kindness towards them. Or maybe I'll use my brain power for a more reasonable goal.

In the meantime, though they are just words, I love you all. Thanks for listening.

Be nice or be scared

2008-09-29T20:59:00.000-07:00

Dear Federal Government (Congress!),
I hear that ya'll are considering lending out money from our dear taxpayers to help out those in need...in times of financial hardship. I think this is super nice of you. I have some debt myself and you'll be pleased to hear that it's less than $1 million. It's less than $20K even! So I thought you might want to help me out too. Just write me in as an amendment to the currently $700 billion plan. You can survey how I spend the cash and I promise I will not use it to jump out of a plane with a "golden parachute" on. Also, I realize this is (being framed as) a loan. But you and I both know that they might not pay it all back. And you're okay with that. So I'll let you know now that I just want you to take care of this for me without expectation of anything in return. Except my good citizenship of course. Oh and if you don't, be warned, the entire economy with collapse. Seriously. You have no idea how important my frugal spending is for the upkeep of the economy. And I'm in the habit of giving out loans too. $2 here for a coffee for Steph. $5 there to spot a housemate. Oh yeah. So if you aren't gonna be nice. Be scared.

Sincerely,
Mary Koppes (a true American)

WWSPD?

2008-09-26T22:17:00.000-07:00

What would Sarah Palin do?
SNAP!
I'm blogging about the hottest topic around. I don't have too much to say though. I just watched her interview with Katie Couric and decided that we should get to nominate some one to the presidential peanut gallery. A WWthishilariouscandidateD? I mean really, we're gonna miss GBJ's silly talk and misstatements. Articulate candidates are boring. We can't poke fun at them. So I nominate Palin to the honorary position of near-presidential entertainer. See why...

Watch CBS Videos Online

blurbs

2008-09-18T21:38:00.000-07:00

blurb 1: I'm using George Carlin's skit "stuff" in class tomorrow to talk about consumerism as a hegemonic belief (to introduce the fancy sounding word and concept). I'm excited even though I had to read it since I don't have the audio/visual support.

blurb 2: Benny the bucket musician (at your right... wish I have a video clip 'cause he plays the bucket and sings with a raspy voice) who is by far my most favorite street musician in Western Mass, complimented me tonight on my purple hat. A hat which I crocheted with instruction from a 15 year old boy on a youtube video. It made my night. I love that man.

blurb 3: I got quite sick on Tuesday. Felt 90% better Wednesday. Now feel like I'm worse again. And I have to teach tomorrow...or lead...or whatever it is I do. I guess I'll threaten my students with a snot bomb if they don't say insightful things.

blurb 4: Garlic and Arts festival is this weekend in Orange, MA. I'm going and I'll try to take photos since I haven't done the for a while. I am thinking including an assignment in my Visual Soc syllabus whereby students have to document community (broadly conceived and interpreted by them and those involved in the community). I might try to some documenting myself of this festival as a test-run of sorts. Plus I keep telling myself I need to take more pictures so I can critique them and become a better photographer and social documentarian. Is that a word?

blurb 5: I went for acupuncture for the first time on Wednesday. I have no conclusive thoughts as a of yet but I liked my acupuncturists. I told her I think I'm more sensitive than other people because the slightest change in my environment seems to manifest itself in my body somehow. She said she thinks I'm just more aware and I'm ahead of the pack. Woot! I like the sound of this. And of holistic medicine. I'll keep you posted.

blurb 5: I'm blonde now (blonde orange really). Pics to follow. Don't ask why.

Edutaining ourselves to good teaching evals

2008-09-17T20:03:00.000-07:00

Postman was the first person to introduce me to the idea that the television is the first curriculum (the first thing we learn and later yearn for when we're exposed to learning in other places like school). He also wrote a book called "Entertaining Ourselves to Death: Public Discourse in the Age of Show Business." Which has a pretty descriptive title but basically argues that television does more than entertain us in the 4 hours a day we're watching it...it changes us in fundamental ways. And since some of us are students it changes our expectations of schools and education. We wanna see an act. Entertain me teach! Even if we're talking about Nazi Germany or Nihilism (which I personally find entertaining in and of itself without the flare!). We want the classroom to be more fun. Bring on the little people and the cotton candy.

But it's not as simple as Postman makes it sounds (though he has a slightly more nuanced argument that I've presented here). I don't want to romanticize prior points in time or be conservative beyond what is justified. I do, however, have some sense that, though professor shouldn't be dull and monotone and not actively trying to engage students, we ought not bend over too far backwards to please them. Or, I fear, we become enablers. And we further encourage the passive student...student as spectator, as consumer. This sounds dreadful to me. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that we need to find ways to make engagement and learning itself fun so that we don't feel the need to showboat around make wisecracks and balloon animals. Which is, I fear, a very tall order. After all, school is boring. Or at least that's how it's advertised. It's a mere obstacle on the way to a middle class life. Something to "get through." Like an awkward first date with a really nice but completely boring guy. Something to "endure" like a...err...war? Oh that's the wrong imagery to evoke. Nonetheless, sometimes it seems like a battle.

But it will be a very entertaining day, I think, when I jump up and down holding a book and yell "CAN'T YOU SEE THIS IS INTERESTING! WHY ARE YOU TEXTING RIGHT NOW INSTEAD OF HAVING LIFE CHANGING MOMENTS!?" Yes, nervous breakdowns are super fun.

But that's not the position I'm in so I don't necessarily need a shoulder to cry on or advice. It's just something I was reading and thinking about (and talking to Steph about). I realize and value that some students, despite being raised as telebots and consumer children, are engaged and interested and have the super human ability to sit still for 50 minutes. And some, dare I say many, have the potential to do so when a little help and loving prodding.

Here's a guy who uses entertainment in the classroom to cultivate critical media consumers. Sut Jhally is a star. And his class lectures along with videos are 100% free online. Woot!

You're fired!

2008-09-16T18:56:00.000-07:00

That's what my boss would say if I were a professional lazy person. I can't do it folks. I like to do things and that's the lesson I learned whilst laying around on the couch all day today trying to kick the sick.

So something I'm grateful for: my health. Even though it's not as good as it could be and my tummy hurts when I eat...well...anything. I can bike 18 miles a day at least 4 days a week no prob. I can walk up the 5 flights of stairs to my office when the elevator is out of order. I can help friends move and prove to my house mate that it doesn't take a man to move a television down a flight of stairs. And I'm happy about that. And hope it stays a while.

I also figured out today that dropping my third class was in fact a good idea (or at least I've convinced myself of such) because I was itching to do work today instead of feeling overwhelmed and stressed and anxious. I wanted to read for teaching soc or my visual soc stuff. I wanted to read this article about flexibility for my comps paper. And I feel excited and motivated to do things. Yay. That's what I say. Yay.

I must be fuzzy headed and sick...I just realized I used a Donald Trump line as my title. Apologies.

acknowlegement and reflection

2008-09-14T13:24:00.000-07:00

I want to start by thanking everyone who reads this and provides their feedback whether it be critique, support, or a mere showing that someone is reading my thoughts after they are sent into cyberspace. I think about the things you say and value your advice and stories. In fact, I want more of them! At your leisure, of course. I'd like this to be more interaction and less one-way. We read Freire last week in Teaching Soc who has a famous concept describing how we "educate" people in schools. He calls it the "banking" concept of education whereby teachers make "deposits" of knowledge into their students (presumable empty) "accounts." I think it's a nice metaphor and it has applicability outside of education. That's why I'm using it here now... I'm no banker and neither do I have any interest in becoming one (pun, of course, intended). Let's collaborate.

I've been trying to be more actively reflective about my life in various regards lately. In doing so I made a few resolutions. One was that I was going to talk to someone I haven't previously talked to about my struggles with graduate school and life (as they are one in the same most of the time). I greatly appreciate those of you who listen to me complain and work though problems aloud (you know who you are), but I felt I needed to share the burden of therapy ;) Mostly I felt it would be useful to get a faculty member's perspective. So I did. And it was helpful. Perhaps just because it provided another perspective of my situation. Different advice, thoughts, and questions. I know that ultimately I have to make my own decisions regarding my life but it really helps to get me thinking when I talk to people. It's nice to have people to talk to who care about me. And can you guess another resolution of mine? Oh c'mon. Yes you can. I'm trying to be more grateful. Not "to be" more grateful but to acknowledge the things I am grateful for.

What else can I tell you? I started doing research for this Visual Sociology syllabus I'm going to put together. There's so much interesting stuff out there about it! Unfortunately none of it was immediately available from the library so I have to wait for the interlibrary loan requests to come through. UMass does not subscribe to the visual sociology journal. Shame on them. I e-mailed a few folks who are big in the field and I got the nicest response back (like 10 mins later) from one of them. Props to John Grady for being very helpful and kind. Now I just have to devise and carry out some research with a visual element. *Sigh*

Night all.

and the wise tea bag said

2008-09-10T20:40:00.000-07:00

"There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a nice cup of tea."
Actually it was Bernard-Paul Heroux (apparently a 1900's Basque philosopher according to Trader Joes) who said this but it's on the outside of my tea bag from TJ's.

But Bernard, I insist, this is my second cup of tea and I'm still feeling crappy. And this is after eating 1/4 gallon of ice cream and an unnamed and uncounted number of pumpkin spice cookies. Maybe the tea just isn't "nice" enough.

I want to write a blog but I fear it will degenerate into a really depressing string of writing which will appear to scream for help when I don't intend it to be.

So I'll just drink my tea and tell you to look up Sam Bowles who is a behavioral economists and who gave a lovely talk today about incentives and morals. I'm always happy to hear economists who acknowledge that moral exist and that we might want to think about humans as more than self-interested actors. Plus he came up again (was cited) in an article for my teaching sociology course. He wrote about the hidden curriculum (with Gintis) wherein he argued that students really learn in school how to be on time and deal with bureaucracies, follow rules, etc. Oh Sam.

On an unrelated note: I'm 98% sure that someone tried to steal my bike today. My lock has clearly had a some kind of tool taken to it and there' s a huge cut that goes partial way through the cord. They couldn't get all the way through but apparently I need to get a u-lock. Or park my bike somewhere else. But there aren't many options. Ride on!

iTeach

2008-09-07T17:57:00.000-07:00

A few tidbits before the long post:
I love my classes so far which is to say I love the one class I've had teaching sociology. J Lu
(as I've nicknamed the prof) is leading the charge on bringing teaching (back?) into the UMass sociology department. Woot! Plus we get to read Postman (among many, many others) which calls for a double woot!!
Chamomile tea has officially been added to my new beverage obsessions, right alongside Reed's raspberry ginger brew.
I learned my top 3 signature strengths as according to tests devised by Dr. Seligman at UPennn and his Authentic Happiness site. They are: curiosity and interest in the world, love of learning, and capacity to love and be loved. The first two seem like a no brainer. My least signature strength? Social intelligence. Ouch. And I can't help but this of Postman and Technopoly and our desire to devise measurements for everything including happiness and strengths.

What I want to talk about today is my experience teaching for the first time. I lead three discussion sections on Friday of 25 students each. It was the first time I've done this and it went fine. Not excellent, not horrible, just fine. But I feel like there's a storm of change brewing inside of me. It's a bizarre thing to have someone tell you to do something (show up and teach) that you've never done before nor received much instruction on but then, magically, you do it. I seem to remember McCain saying that the presidency was not a job that lended itself to on the job training. Is teaching?
The interesting thing is, the students haven't got a clue. Since I took charge and fulfilled the role of head of the class, they bought it. And why not? I can be just at teacher-y as the next graduate student. But I felt like an actor. On stage. Perhaps more like a comedian, not because I was funny (though I'd like to be in class more often) but because I was so rehearsed and did three "shows" and each one nearly just the same. I said the same things I said at 9:05 at 10:10 but as if it was the first time I'd said it...or for that matter thought it. I made fresh what was stale.
It took more energy than I suspected and more water. Although I talk all the time, talking to large groups seems to require more saliva. Go figure. I have a lot to learn in terms of teaching and part of that is becoming a better learner. Another part of that is learning the art of question-asking. Yet another part is learning how to put into practice all the wonderful knowledge I've acquired and manipulated from the likes of Postman, Perkinson, and de Bono among others.
I'll keep you updated on my progress. Meanwhile, I'm drinking tea and reading job flexibility literature.

Police Raids in MN

2008-09-02T07:26:00.000-07:00

From salon.com:
"Protesters here in Minneapolis have been targeted by a series of highly intimidating, sweeping police raids across the city, involving teams of 25-30 officers in riot gear, with semi-automatic weapons drawn, entering homes of those suspected of planning protests, handcuffing and forcing them to lay on the floor, while law enforcement officers searched the homes, seizing computers, journals, and political pamphlets. Last night, members of the St. Paul police department and the Ramsey County sheriff's department handcuffed, photographed and detained dozens of people meeting at a public venue to plan a demonstration, charging them with no crime other than "fire code violations," and early this morning, the Sheriff's department sent teams of officers into at least four Minneapolis area homes where suspected protesters were staying."

Check the out the full story here.

I'm not usually one to post things like this but I wanted to bring some attention to the issue...do with it what you will. I will not make any sweeping conclusions about living in a police state or government conspiracies but I will say that, if these stories are true, the MN police committed egregious violations of the law and people's constitutional rights to peaceably assemble (they weren't even protesting yet, found in their homes, some were charged with "inciting a riot") and to free speech.

I hope Tuesday finds you well.
MK

Very funny.

2008-08-21T19:46:00.000-07:00

I went to Pleasant Street Video as I usually do on Thursday nights and picked up a tv series called "Lucky Louie." I normally get movies but I was feeling like watching something shorter. It's about a family where the wife is the breadwinner and the husband, though he works part-time, is the primary care giver for their 4 year old daughter. The wife is a nurse so I thought it might be a funny fictional show to compare to the experiences of the people in the study I'm working on this summer as an RA.
It's not.
I find it impossible to laugh at such crude humor. The couple don't actually like each other and are constantly belittling one another. There are weak attempts of poking fun of people's avoidance of the appearance of being racist (they are white, their neighbors are black). And there are a lot of sex jokes. Louie's part time job is working as a mechanic so we get to hear a lot of locker room talk (is that the appropriate phrase?).
But it led me to return to the question of humor. Laughing is wonderful. It releases all sorts of feel good chemicals in your brain and burns calories and can even incite the same in others. But I think I have a relatively, umm, narrow (?) sense of humor. It's not that I don't laugh easily...that's too simple a statement. But I don't laugh easily at movies and television... at things that cause an uproarious laughter from my peers. I noticed this quite some time ago. Actually, someone pointed it out. I was called out on my non-laughter when everyone else was cracking up. Was I mis-socialized? Am I missing some kind of laughter or humor gene? Show I take a lighten-up pill or something? I don't get it.
And then I wonder...am I missing something? Maybe people have a different perception and that's the root of our differences. Maybe I'm misjudging the show or the plot or the characters. Maybe I am wrongly not appreciating this kind of humor. Can I teach myself how to do so? Can you learn these kinds of things? Is it worth it? Does it make sense to have standards about humor?

You might be thinking "c'mon Mary, this is silly." But hey, it ain't no laughing matter.

[What? I love puns!]

Attention please

2008-08-21T12:46:00.001-07:00

I have an incredibly short attention span today.
It's kind of absurd actually and I wish I could get it under control.

Among the things swimming around in the sea that is my brain:
Quitting grad school. Writing a kick ass comps paper (see how that doesn't jive with the first thing?). Starting to run again so I can run in a 5K in September. Overextending myself and the consequences of that. Health and sickness-- how some of my health problems (headaches) are actually life problems (stress) that only I can control and not medication (well, there's medication for everything but I'll refuse it as it's not a fix where a fix is possible). Relationships and their maintenance. Ambivalence and judgment. Morality and purpose. Work and money. Happiness.

You see why I'm so distracted/distractable? At least gymnastics isn't on anymore. Maybe I'll actually be able to get some work done.

What's everyone else up to?

Something I like

2008-08-17T18:36:00.000-07:00

This.

and this too.

People are creative and I love them.

en breve

2008-08-13T11:24:00.000-07:00

the bright sun
the broken chair
the leisure people everywhere

the bread board
the ginger iced tea
the silence between you and me

the yellow shirt
the iron and wine
the very last line

To Be

2008-08-11T10:25:00.000-07:00

"Several writers have pointed out that roughly one-third of all the verbs we use in normal discourse are some form of the verb to be, and, further, that there are some forms of it that are exceedingly cunning in confounding our understanding. Once of these is sometimes called the is of projection, as in the sentence 'He is stupid.' What is mysterious about this sentence is that through a kind of grammatical alchemy it creates the impression that stupidity is an innate property of whomever you are talking about, like, for example, the person's height or weight or eye color. But stupidity is no such thing. It is a behavior, done at a particular time and in particular circumstances. This means that in discussing stupidity, we are not talking about those who 'have ' it and those who don't. We are talking about the ways in which people 'do' stupidity. "

From Crazy Talk, Stupid Talk: How We Defeat Ourselves By The Way We Talk-- And What To Do About It. By Neil Postman.

Portland, ME

2008-08-11T07:54:00.000-07:00

Who: (travel companions) Annie and Steph
What: Road trip to southern Maine
When: Friday Aug 8- Sunday Aug 10
Where: Topsham, Brunswick, Portland, Lewiston/Auburn, Ogunquit Maine
Why?: Why not?

Day One: Topsham and Brunswick. I don't really know what's in Topsham besides Steph's house 'cause that's all I saw. Brunswick is a gem though. Annie and I ate at the Frontier in a an old mill now converted into commericial spaces and offices (like many mills in the northeast). It had a beautiful view of the water and the place itself was cozy- great atmosphere and good food (veggie wrap and white bean rosemary tomato soup). There was also a theatre inside and a photograph exibit on the walls. It made me long for the mudhouse as it mimicked it's feel in many ways. Then we met Steph and her mom and mom's boyfriend to do the 2nd Friday artwalk there. It was fun. Spindleworks had music and people in outrageous outfits and dancing and singing. There was also some great art made by people with disabilities (but real creative abilites fo' sho). I also saw a fab creation which was a bike car of sorts made with old bike parts. I'm kicking myself for not taking pictures of it. Kick, kick. We also met a funky and friendly French artist who works primarily with scrap metal and an 80 something year old woman who does assemblages and neat creations from old books-- quasi oragami I'd call it. After a latte in an ultra-modern gelato place (it stuck out like a sore thumb against the rest of the homily and pleasantly worn buildings and shops) Steph, Annie, and I went to Sweet Leaves to see a free show. The opener-- Lady Lamb The Beekeeper-- stole the show. The sound was fresh and the songs were fun. The singers voice was bigger than the singer herself. The myspace tracks aren't quite as moving (as I always say) but nonetheless worth a listen. Hopefull they'll play outside of Brunswick...like in Northampton...soon. We left during the headliner, dropped Steph off and headed to Portland where, for the first time ever, I couch surfed.
Our host was a young woman named Stephanie. She's a bike commuter, interested in Buddhism, avid national traveler, aspiring international travel, lover of the German language (it's the sound!), photographer, and children's book writer. She was quite nice and we slept right in her room on a futon. How very bizarre that someone will open their house, nay, their room to two complete strangers without expecting anything in return. The first night we just crashed and the second night we chatted (and the above facts were revealed to us).
Day 2: Portland, ME by foot! Sis and I walked and walked and walked and walked. We saw wharfs, water, tourists, restaurants, roads made of brick and stones, vibrant (but not plentiful?) public spaces with musicians (watch the youtube clip with The Loose Marbles from New Orleans) and people playing with fire.

<--This kiddo is dancing to The Loose Marbles.

We ate yummy chinese food and drank coffee at various cafes. I found the people to be quite nice. Nicer than massholes anyway. We got lost in a wall stuffed full with boxes of buttons at Central Yarn Shop on Congress ST.

We saw Portland Headlight and a beautiful view of the coastline (below).Day 3: Old Port in Portland, ME. More walking. Fog and haze and very low visibility on the water. Annie and I said goodbye to Portland and headed off to a state park which we though were free...only to Maine residents though. Dern. We should have lied but instead we turned around and debated where to go. We decided on Lewiston which was apparently voted one of the best small arts towns in the U.S. but, call us unprepared, we didn't see much. Maybe it's because there wasn't much (Steph and her fam confirm this hypothesis) or maybe it was because we didn't know where to find the things that made the town apparently worth visiting. We did find a lunch joint called Luigis which filled my belly with baked ziti that was covered in a layer an inch thich of cheese. This accompanies with garlic bread which actually had more butter than bread, I'm pretty sure. We mostly drove around lost in Lewiston, occasionally finding ourselves in the highly commercialized town of Auburn and then back again in Lewiston. We finally gave up and went to pick Steph up and head to Ogunquit beach and then home. On the way we drove through Freeport which is basically a mall. It was disturbing. Kind of like the ASA's being in a mall. Is everything becoming a mall? Marx predicted revolution was inevtiable, I predict mallization. We also drove through some cute small towns and eventually ended up in Ogunquit which is a tourist haven. Annie had it marked as one the prettiest beaches. The land mass itself and the water were lovely. I like beaches and oceans as a general rule. But it was overrun with tourists and businesses and hotels catering to the tourists. And trash. And expensive parking. So sad. We left quicker than we came (scenic route = lots of time on road). On the way home we were hit with storms and rain every now and again. I realized that my peripheral vision has gotten worse and that driving is more fun in a jeep (sorry Steph's saab but it's true). Hopefully I'll get mine back today and we'll take her on the next adventure.

Check back for updates to this blog. I'm writing from memory but I've written other things down to tell you. So...more later!

My own trials and tribulations

2008-08-08T08:15:00.000-07:00

I went with Annie and Steph to see Trials and Tribulations play at the Sierra Grille (I'll link to them later). I proceeded to have my own trials and tribs....my cell phone became submerged in water (I'll spare the details) and is now inoperable. Good thing I have various other forms of technology in which to communicate this and be communicated with.
Hopefully I can buy a cheap cell phone off ebay and not have to deal with the meanies at Sprint. We'll see.

I'm off to Maine for the weekend. It's my first time (Annie's too, my travel companion). We are couch surfing for the first time too. I'm sure I'll have lots to report to ya'll after this.

Be well.

fotos to substitute for words

2008-08-06T23:01:00.003-07:00

I'm in a writing funk lately so I'll leave you with some fotos instead.
Book Mill: my favorite place I can't find with books I don't need.

Steph is responsible for this shot of 2 suns! We saw in on a hike of Mt. Tom. We had a picnic at the top and saw some parasailers. Fun.

The Feelies

2008-08-02T11:31:00.001-07:00

Have you read Brave New World by Aldous Huxley? You should. I hear people reference 1984 often but I think that BNW is a better representation of the US of A (in many ways).
Huxley writes about going to the feelies which is like the movies on steroids. You get smells and sensations to boot. A total sensory experience. I felt like I was at the feelies the other night when I went with Steph, Annie, and Dan to the Bookmill for a show.
Vetiver was the band that put me in this amazing state of being. Music, I think most agree, has a transformative power, but, for me, it's never been quite so strong. I had a tremendous tummy ache and a general feeling of fatigue before the band played. During their performance it was bliss. I thank them for that. Unfortunately, they don't sound as amazing on myspace. Perhaps we ought to all agree that the transformative power of live music, or the capacity for it, is greater than for myspace or CD tracks. If anyone gets the opportunity to see them live I'd highly recommend it.

Other than that I'm at the ASA. It's part pain, part fun, and part ADHD inducing. Turns out, I cannot sit still for 2 hours and I'm bad at faking interest. Oh well. There's been some interesting sessions. I'll be happy to escape though.

My apologies for not keeping up better. I have lots of ideas in my brain to share but little time or energy (when there's time) to get them into type onto the internets.

My love to all.

Introducing Sammie (officially)

2008-07-29T11:54:00.000-07:00

I had the best worst day yesterday. I was inn a good mood but golly there was a lot to be upset about. I'll take this time to introduce my bike Sammie to ya'll. Here she is posing on the bridge/rail trail over the Connecticut River. She now has a crate in the back though.

I named my bike Sammie because I wanted to name my daughter Sammie (or just Sam really) but I don't have a daughter. When I adopted my Trek it just seemed to fit. And we fit. And here's why.
Sammie is as prone to ill health as I am. She's had two flat tires in two months and I haven't even been able (or willing?) to ride much because it's been alternating between stormy (and I don't mean drizzle, I mean wind and sheets of rains and lightning) and humid beyond what is reasonable (hey, I don't like arriving to school as a sweat bucket). In the little time I've ridden her though she's squeaked and squawked as I've learned how to shift gears. She's been beaten up as I've run her into doors a hundred times trying to find a safe place to house her for the day.
But she's gotten her revenge. After getting a flat yesterday just after entering Noho from Hadley I had to walk her in the hot, hot heat to the bus stop. My plan was to take the bus in the rest of the way to Noho. I was trying to text Steph to see where the bus was and while texting I managed to ram my right shin into the pedal. You should see my legs. I have gashes, bruises, bumps, and other unpleasantries from the bike but this one hurt. Bad. And it left two marks. I walked it out and waited for the bus for about 8 minutes. The bus came. The bus went. The bike rack was full! The driver sweetly said, "You can just ride it into downtown." Oh no I can't buddy!
So I continued walking in the hot, hot, hot heat to downtown (it's really not that far) and met Steph. I showed her my war wounds and we went home.
Earlier in the day I encountered two down trees in the path from the storm the night before. One day I'll learn not to ride the day after a storm. But so far I haven't. I carried my bike over one of the trees but the other was impassable (there were actually two trees across the path). I want to get involved with whoever maintains the trails so that I can help with clean up and be alerted about such things so I can plan ahead. I had to ride on the 9 into school which would be okay if I was mentally prepared. Damn left turns!

I've had lots of other things going on lately but I've been tired or running around and thus haven't posted about them.
Here's the video I promised though. Be sure to watch it with sound. The music is rockin'. Thanks Paul!

The Book Mill from Paul Wilkes on Vimeo.

Fallibility

2008-07-26T15:56:00.000-07:00

I've just started reading "The Possibilities of Error: An Approach to Education" by Henry J. Perkinson. My dead mentor, NP, recommended it to me. (Dean just rolled his eyes.) I'm really starting to understand the phrase "nanos gigantum humeris insidentes" (standing of the shoulders of giants). NP bit* a lot of his ideas from other people. Dewey, Socrates, McLuhan, Hayakawa, and on and on. Perkinson is no exception. So as I read him I think about the ways in which Postman has used his ideas in his chapters to make similar or different points. The ways in which Postman is extending the Great Conversation by including the works of others. The ways in which authors and academics are interdependent. The ways in which humans are interdependent.

The main idea that Postman borrowed from Henry P. is the idea that human beings are fallible and the sooner we accept that the better off we'll be (too bad we don't have a switch!). But this isn't just about acceptance of our error-making selves. No, no. It's about a change of perspective altogether (deBono!!). By embracing our fallibility we are able to invite and welcome criticism of our ideas. When we are oriented toward learning more and knowing more and having better formed ideas and 'smarts' we take advantage our errors and use them to grow and progress as thinkers. In this way we are always oriented toward critical thinking, both of ourselves and others.

It's too bad that deBono didn't use Perkinson (or hasn't yet, maybe I'll recommend it) in any of his great books on thinking. DeBono is quick to point out that the way we think is often in this debate-style, defend-your-point-to-the-death way. He says this kind of faux-critical thinking is important, like the front left wheel of a car is important, but it's incomplete. Perkinson is saying something similar. Basically, argument to defend one's point, with a closed mind, with no orientation to learning or growing intellectually, isn't where it's at cadillac.

And this brings me back to so many pre-existing thought of mine about thinking, both my own and others. Can we really do this in isolation? Can one person make a commitment to the fallibility principle while others go about their ways as yappy argumentative people? There is some grey area here that I'm not seeing. I know there isn't just a binary choice: silly argumenteaurs or fallibility embracing people. But negotiating the two and synthesizing all of this into something that works for me at a practical, everyday level is an ongoing battle of mine.

*To bite is an expression used by b-boys. It roughly means to steal or copy. Biting is okay, however, when one steals a move but then adds something to make it 'fresh.' I like this verb usage.

A short life update: I'm on a quasi-vacation as my friend Paul has come to visit and rescue and distract me from the on-goings of my summer is work, summer isn't work life. We mostly been enjoying each others company without distractions of tourist-y things or the need to feel like we have to fill up time doing something. We've read, watched movies, cooked dinner every night, and drank with friends (and made new friends without teeth, another that smelled like skunk, and one that was in desperate need of a bike). It's been great. We also went to the bookmill where Paul made a short moving art project (that was here but is now gone. I'll ask him for a copy and post it here!).

Let's be cheap!

2008-07-21T11:15:00.001-07:00

Or better yet, free!

I ran across this very interesting blog about how to have a money free weekend.

I'm sure that I have profound things to say about money and enjoying yourself without money but they aren't coming to me.

More soon....

"Thinking this way is part of who I am"

2008-07-17T10:36:00.000-07:00

"It seems strange, after all these pages, to think of telling you about my work as if it were separate from the rest of my life. There is no boundary. I'm working all the time. This doesn't mean I never do anything for the sheer mindless fun of it. IT means that the way I see the world, the way I take in and think about it, is part of my work. I'm always trying to see how people's thoughts and feelings and behaviors are shaped by the circumstances of their lives. I'm always trying to see how the things that people think and feel and do in everyday life keep our society going as it is or change it. This is what a sociologists thinks about. Thinking this way is part of who I am."

This is an excerpt from a chapter called 'The Work of Professing (A Letter to Home) by Michael Schwalbe (published in This Fine Place So Far From Home: Voices of Academics from the Working Class by Temple University Press). Steph came across it while organizing a professor's office and made a copy for me because she thought I'd like it. I loved it. Mike articulates things that I think in my head but have trouble getting out in spoken or written words. I will probably make copies of this for me own family even though our stories aren't the same. Mike writes a lot about the politics and pretension in academia and my gosh it felt good to see it in black and white. I'm not crazy after all.

I guess the reason that particular passage stuck out, and why I wanted to share it, is because it both explains and further confuses my situation. Let me explain.

I was watching TV last night as I stitched. I started off with Wife Swap and Super Nanny. My housemates joined me somewhere in there and so I stayed in the room mostly to be with them and to finish my project (I literally felt blah at that point. I attribute it to my existing tiredness + too much TV time). Then this show came on about young girls in America who are being sold to pimps for sex trafficking. Several things in this show struck me.

First, I put words in bold because they were said 100 million times and with emphasis. In America!? Sex trafficking!? I don't mean to make light of this situation. I understand that probably means they want people to be shocked that such a thing could happen in America. Sure it might happen in other parts of the world...over there....to them. But not here. But all I could think of was that human and sex trafficking are problems in other parts of the world, probably to a greater degree than here and perhaps without punishment when caught (I say all this with some uncertainty both because of my limited knowledge and because it's hard to get numbers on these kinds of things).

Second, the 15 year girl who was telling this story (she was kidnapped and make to prostitute herself) talked about her sex life on television and other very personal details of her life. The interviewer said, "You can choose not to answer this but have you had sexual experiences before [prostituting]?" I wanted to scream "don't answer that inappropriate question!!!!" But she already had. Where's the privacy folks? How intrusive is that? How intrusive is television? Why do people allow it? Why did I watch it? I was left wondering if she was paid to tell this story. $100 more if you talk about your sex life. No mind that you are 15 years old, still in high school, and may very well be teased endlessly and have your reputation damaged after this. Spill it.

Third, the girl said. "I even had to turn tricks for women." The implication was that being essentially raped by old men was bad but having to perform sexual acts on women, that's just abhorrent. All of this remained under the surface. Oddly, Steph and I had a conversation the other day about being raped by a woman. How that might differ from being raped by a man. We decided both would be horrible experiences mentally. I decided that being raped by a women would be physically less painful and less intrusive. It would not be any less mentally painful but my chances of it physically lingering on in the form of pregnancy or STD's would be, well in one case impossible, in the other much diminished. But what happened in my living room was even more disturbing. I brought up the implied homophobia (is that homophobia? the implied whatever) and one of my housemates said much the same thing as the girl had. Being raped by a woman is far worse to her. She trailed off while giving her reasoning behind this feeling. I wanted to push the issue. I wanted to try the Socratic method. I wanted to use gentle questioning to understanding what's worse about that. But I didn't. I'm sure I sighed or put on my 'what!!!?' face but I kept quiet. I am profoundly disappointed in myself when situations such as these arise.

To tie this back into the quote. I can't just watch TV. I can't just go shopping or have a conservation without my brain doing all this extra work. Without this constant examination of peoples behavior and words. I have a superpower. I can see and hear things that other people can't...actually they could if they wanted, but they don't.

So where's the confusion? Well, I think to myself, "because I'm going to do this anyway shouldn't I be paid for it? Shouldn't I make it my career? Might'n I as well write about it and study it formally?" That's one reason I'm in graduate school. The other is because I didn't really know what to do next and I liked school so I did that (it's so different though, it can hardly be called 'school'). And my naiveté about what academia is and means and what grad school is and does to one (mentally) has morphed into a festering mentally unwellness about what to do with myself. Should I stay and deal with the bullshit. Even try to change it (subversion!)? Or ought I just cut my losses and try my hand at something else?

These are questions that never go away. I don't expect answers from anyone. I just though this might help...well... me. Most of you who read this understand me pretty well so I guess it's more for my benefit than yours.

If anyone wants the copy of the article let me know. I'll send it your way (snail mail. I don't have an electronic copy.) It's a pleasurable read, unlike much other writing from academics (that's address in there too!).

Happy Thursday.

Speaking of human connection...

2008-07-16T08:03:00.000-07:00

I ended my last blog with a thought about a missed connection. So I feel I must share two separate experiences of human connection I've had in the past couple days. Odd ones.

Sunday night was craft night because I'm making a surprise for Paul and Annie, soon to be guests in my home. Steph made button earrings and rings that are adorable (I'll post a pic when I'm at my home computer). We got hungry but I didn't have much food so we decided to go to Mimmos. That place is outta control. A true dive. They have damn good slices though and they are HUGE. We were sitting outside as we ate. Me: artichokes and tomato. Steph: sundried tomato and feta. We were chatting about who knows what when this dude rode up on bike. He was eating a cookie and had another whole cookie in his hand as well. He said hello and I said hi back and then we launched into this conversation. He offered me a cookie. He told Steph and I that he used to try to figure people out when they talked...where they're from, what they're about, etc. But now he doesn't do that anymore because he doesn't care. "What do you care about then?" I asked, utilizing my new question asking skills. "Avoiding pain," he replied. And then we started talking about addiction. He asked if we had any addictions. I said, "sugar." And Steph claimed no addictions (I'm pretty sure that's true too). He said, "caffiene, cigarettes, barbituates, sex." I feel like I'm forgetting one thing.
Though this conversation probably sounds weird. Talking to a stranger about addiction who seems to be a bit of a pessimist but it wasn't. That's the weird thing: it wasn't weird. He seemed like a perfectly decent guy despite his addiction. He and I share similar thoughts about Noho folks. He likes cookies. He shares. That was Chris.

Last night Steph and I were hula hooping in the front of my house. When we tired we sat on the curb across the street and starting singing a song we made up in Spanish. We were harmonizing and everything. This guy with long blonde hair and a serious mustache biked up to us and asked if we were singing. We said yes but that we were too shy to sing for him. He said, "I sing. American Pie." We prodded him to sing. It was wonderfully horrible. Then he sat down and told us he had biked 80 miles (or some number that seemed like a lot). He was happy to "have work tomorrow."
"Sorry, I farted," he said with a laugh.
"Do you mind if I smoke?" he asked. Well, of course I do mind but I didn't say anything. Then he asked for a lighter.
"Sorry, I don't smoke," Steph said.
"Good. Don't start," he replied.
He dug through his bag for a lighter and there was a squeaky noise like a rubber duckie.
"Dog toy," he chuckled.
I did too.
Then there were fireworks lighting up the sky. Steph and I ran across the street to get a better view. I think the drunken biker dude said something but I didn't catch it.
On the way back Christian called me then Dan called Steph so we were both on the phone. DBD started walking away guiding his bike with one hand and holding a cigarette in the other.
"Take it easy."

It'll be interesting to see what the rest of the week holds.

Just 'cause you feel it doesn't mean it's there

2008-07-14T20:37:00.000-07:00

"Sorry," said some older, chubby man as he bumped in as we passed on the aisle with nuts and candy. He hit my helmet not me. It was hanging from my bag because I worry some kid will steal it in the 30 minutes it takes for me to get groceries. This bag has been so good to me. My mom bought it for me years ago for Christmas after I'd eyed it for a while. It's good to ride with too.

I see bike guy for the first time just after being bumped. He looks away just as I look at him. He's picking up cereal. His bag is at least several years old. It's raggedy to put it mildy. There's a "City Bikes" logo that's neat occupying the majority of the flap. Below it, it says "Washington DC."

I see him again on my way to get orange juice. They had it on the end cap but I don't prefer "no pulp." That just isn't orange juice to me. I'm an in-between type of gal. I prefer "some pulp." "Mostly pulp" makes me feel like I should just eat an orange.

I go to check out and vacillate before foregoing the self checkout due to my ample amount of produce. I buy the singular carrot sticks and celery sticks. I make a wonderful vegetable ragout that requires both in small amounts. I don't buy a normal package. It'll go to waste. It's those little fibers on the celery.

I either get in this line or walk about 10 registers down and get into a line that appears, from here, to be one or two people longer. No indication though about the number of items per person. I chose this one. He's in front of me. I'm holding a red basket that I wish were more ergonomic in my left hand and my orange juice in my right. My bag is at my left side and my helmet rests against the OJ. He looks at me briefly and grabs one of the red separators. My groceries are here. Separator. Your groceries are there. "But I'd be happy to pay for your peanut butter," I think.

I hesitate before loading my groceries from the basket to the conveyor belt. I can't tell if it's cute really but, like a guy with drum sticks or a guitar, a guy with a bike is, in some way, instantly attractive. I must have been looking down because I realize we're both wearing cut offs. Mine denim, his corduroy. I admire his brown and green shoes. If he stood in a forest his feet would quickly growing roots. His hair is an orangey brown. A prettier color than the orangey brown my hair turned when I first colored it in 7th grade.

Edy's chocolate chip ice cream. Natural peanut butter. Newman's cereal "sweet enough."
"Are you going to put it all in that bag?"
"Yeah."
"Then you save 5 cents. You save 5 cents for each bag you bring."

I'll save no cents. We need paper bags at the house to put the recycling in. Irony.

He forgot his Stop N Shop card. That's ok, she'll scan the store copy but he can't redeem his points on gas. He politely nods. Loads groceries. Maybe he'll take them straight to DC on his bike.

Some hesitation from him before he leaves.

A fleeting thought that he'll lock his bicycle next to mine. Just like in the Jack Johnson song.

When I walk outside he's gone. There's a woman on a bench with a light muttering about lesbians and crime. I wonder if she's talking about me. It always take me so long to get my lock apart and wound back up. She's still talking. She's still the only one.

Missed opportunities for human connection.
Yield disconnected blogs of reflection.

Weekend update with Norm Mac...er...MFK

2008-07-13T10:20:00.001-07:00

I've been wondering what to do with this blog recently. Should it be a hodge-podge of stuff including my academically oriented thoughts, my life adventures, and other things or should I, dare I say, specialize? Christian seems to think that the hodge-podge approach is a-okay. I think I'll try that for a while.

This weekend, though it's not over yet, has been splendid. On Friday, I biked to do some errands in Hadley. Even though I've been biking for about a month now (consistently), I'm still so proud of myself when I get somewhere. The weather on Friday was gorgeous so I asked Steph to meet me for lunch somewhere we could eat outside. I had the Coolidge Park Cafe (attached to the Noho Hotel) in mind but it seemed pricey with not too much of a selection so we went to Bela instead. While Bela does not have outdoor seating it does have a yummy vegetarian menu and a cozy atmosphere. I got this tofu, rice noodles, and kale dish which lacked flavor but Steph's pasta with red sauce, artichokes, and tofu was really yummy. Over lunch we discussed being a part of the "leisure class" (originally Veblen's idea)...people who lunch on Fridays and never seem to have anywhere to be. I tend to feel guilty about my lifestyle now. I used to work a lot in both my paid and unpaid work (as a student) and now I have free time coming out of my ears. And I use it. I have fun with it. But I can't escape the guilty feeling. Does that mean I'm a good American?
After lunch we went to hula hoop in the "park" in Northampton. It doesn't seem like much of a park to me but there is a playground and a tiny bit of grass. Steph has been taking hoop dancing classes and she's teaching me some rad tricks. Like these:
We went to read actually but the hooping is addicting. And it attracts so much attention from old and young alike. Two girls, Emily and Ari, came over and asked if they could play with us. Ari, a six year old with beautiful blue eyes, asked me if I wanted to start a secret club. Of course, I said yes. I think the club is to be based around her red lizard. Emily and Steph hit it off and Emily even taught us some new hoop tricks (she's been hooping for 2 years her 9 years alive). Needless to say, we didn't get any reading done. Eventually we had to pack up and move on because it started to rain.
That night we attempted to go to Arts Night Out. The First Friday Art Walk in Springfield, MO is always hoppin' and fun but this Art Night left me wanting. There weren't many people out and the galleries all seemed stuffy. There weren't young artists featured and it just doesn't seem to be 'a thing' here. Disappointing.
What wasn't disappointing was a house show Steph and I went to at King St. Manor aka Dan's house. We've been to one other show there but I felt slightly uncomfortable and incredibly hot. The lineup on Friday was great. I loved two of three of the performers and liked the other ok. The two goodies were Deer Tick (pic by me at your left) and Jana Hunter.

Saturday Steph and I started the day at the Amherst Farmers market. I intended to take a picture but forgot. I bought yellow zucchini, some weird kind of squash, cucumber, dinosaur kale (kale is my new obsession), rainbow carrots, red raspberries, and chocolate ciabatta bread. I will definitely start waking up every Saturday to get food. Yum. Then we went to the craft fair at the Amherst Commons but it was disappointing. There was a mix of grandma crafts and quasi-commercialized vendors (selling pottery, shoes, etc). Not what I had hoped for but there's a craft fair in September called "Twist" that should be rockin'. We also ate breakfast at the Lone Wolf, probably my new favorite breakfast place in Western Mass. I had pancakes, scrambled eggs, home fries, soy sausage, and fruit salad. Although two seconds after eating I became violently ill (I exaggerate). I think it was the soy sausage. Or my defective stomach. *Sigh*
Later we found ourselves by the pond/tributary at Smith College. We found a grassy nook by the water and laid down a blanket to read. I ended up having a nap in the shade and hula hooping. I did finish another chapter in Teaching as a Conservative Activity. It was a perfect afternoon. Steph agreed. I hope to take Annie and Paul on the trail by Smith when they come to visit. It's beautiful and quiet (except for wildlife and creaky trees) and there are plenty of shady areas. After our Smith outing Steph and I made dinner complete with farmers market finds and fake chicken. Take a look!

Steph and I parted ways after dinner. I went for a bike ride to Florence and then part way to Williamsburg (I didn't make it all the way because just eating + big hill = turn around before bad things happen). On my way home I stopped to check out Look Park. I've heard lots of good things and bad things (it's expensive...a park!). There was noise and lots of cars there so I knew something was going on. I followed the noise and realized it was the Ani Difranco concert. What luck! I found a cute stream to sit by and a tree to lean my bike against. I sat there listening to Ani (the sound was crystal clear) and eating red raspberries I packed as a treat. After I rode home I talked to Christian for a bit on the phone. We had a stimulating conversation about education and shared ideas and thoughts. The night ended with me watching Volver snuggled up with myself and a Dr. Pepper on the couch. A very nice weekend indeed.

a thought

2008-07-09T22:33:00.000-07:00

Eating mango is unequivocally the best way to start the day.

True Life: I'm addicting to prematurely judging people

2008-07-08T22:57:00.000-07:00

First off, titles are difficult to come up with! I'm trying to think of ways to catch your attention, perhaps because I'm accustomed to web material competing with talking ads and flashy pictures or videos. Nonetheless, I feel suddenly tired and title-less.

I wanted to write about my night but I think I'll have to cut it short and leave out details due to said tiredness.

My housemate Molly has been asking me to hang out pretty much since she moved in in April of this year. I always say, "yeah, we'll do that" in a polite, I-can't-say-no, kind of way. Molly is a non-academic & non-nerd. She goes tanning, has fake nails, and talks incessantly about her boyfriend. There's nothing wrong with any of this (minus skin cancer I suppose) but I'm not accustom to hanging out with people who don't use words like "heteronormativity" or "discourse" (for example(s)) as often as a dairy farmer might say "milk" or "cow." I don't particularly enjoy these words or the conversations attached to them or the kind of experience of hanging around with such people I'm trying to conjure up in your mind by using them as examples (but I fear, I'm failing to do this well anyway). I have preferences, given the day, given my mood, given the weather, of which kind of people I want to spend time with. These days it seems like quite often I just want to spend time with myself.

All of that to say...I feared hanging out with Molly because she's different. I feared not being able to connect with her in any way depsite having just read Edward de Bono's "A Beautiful Mind" which gave me many ideas of how to do so (thanks Anner). I feared awkward moments of silence and unintentionally making faces which seek to indicate I'm disgusted or befuddled (or pizzled!) because they come without warning and often without my consent. I fear it because I masquerade as a socially 'normal' person while all the while feeling socially inept. But I did it.

The invitation was for TV*, crafts, dinner (ciabatta bread with cheese, tomatoes, and fresh basil she'd grown in her window), and drinks (apparently she suspected it might be awkward too). What I didn't expect: I got to ride around in her new convertible. Whilst driving on Route 5, a relatively busy road, two young men in a BMW proceeded to howl (at her I'm sure) and one even stuck his head out the sunroof to look back at her (the driver!). That was new.

What I learned: Well, I held some things from ya'll. What I knew, sort of, but re-learned or really understood after the evening was over. Molly and I have mutual interests. We both sew/craft. We both shout wrong answers to Jeopardy questions at the telly. We both like candy. We both hate MA summers and winters. The lesson: I have mutual interests (at least potentially) with people who may seem quite different from me (and may in fact be quite different). Molly taught me things or made me think about things I hadn't before. She likes plants. We went to the store to buy plants for the living room. Turns out, I like plants too. Go figure. She talks to the cashiers at stores as if she cares about them. In fact, I think she actually might really care about them. I found this refreshing. I had given up on being MO polite to cashiers and such because people around here just don't seem to do it [Don't believe me? Evidence!]. I was following norms but hating it. Lesson: Other people can be unintentionally thought provoking. Other people can teach me things.

Does this all sound simple? I bet it does. But it means something to me. I have to start somewhere...digging myself out of this academic hole. I'm buried deep and the dirt is packed tight around me.

Don't get me wrong. I'm still the same ole MFK. I thought of a million and one negative things and things that bothered me and things that I wish I could change with the snap of two fingers. I won't share them in an effort to focus on the positive rather than the negative.

The mattress calls...

*TV? But Mary, you don't even own a tv much less watch one. Well folks, there's now a telly in my living room. We get about 6 channels and 2 are in Spanish and a few are 24 h shopping channels. Exciting. We also have rabbit ears so we'll have to convert when the govern ment kills analog. I'll write about this soon. In the meantime I'll stay away from the living room.

Let's start with language.

2008-07-07T19:41:00.000-07:00

Really, it's 2008 and I don't have a blog. Why? How? How is this possible? Well I'm starting now folks (all four of you!). Join me on my foray into the blogosphere.

My first post is inspired by Neil Postman. He has literally changed my life by changing my perspective on education, language, technology & science, what it means to "be smart", and life in general. Ok, not him, but his books. If he were alive I'd march right over and give him a kiss on the cheek and make him walk around NYC with me (where he was born, raised, and worked all his life) and chat.

I'm currently reading "Teaching as a Conserving Activity." I started out not much liking it and as I kept reading I started to fear he'd turned into a total cynic. Then I hit chapter 8 and read this: "...improved language behavior originates in the deepest need to express one's personality and knowledge, and to do so with variety, control, and precision[...] Language education involves the transformation of personality. To speak new words in new ways is not a cosmetic activity. It is a way of becoming a new person. It involves learning new things and seeing the world in new ways."

And then there's this: "Language learning is extremely serious business. A young man whose range of response to that which displeases him is located somewhere between the word 'bullshit' and some other unoriginal obscenity does not simply have a vocabulary deficiency. He cannot distinguish among degrees or kinds of displeasure."

Isn't it nice to read something so articulate you've thought but couldn't...quite...explain...
Just the other night I was making dinner with Steph and asked "have I been cussing more or less than normal lately?" Then we launched into a discussion about curse words and cursing and I tried to explain why I care. Well there it is. Shit isn't quite precise is it?
Yet at the same time 'shit' has a shared cultural meaning that we all at least kind of 'get.' What it lacks in precision, it makes up for in universality.

But I've been in school for about 18 years now. I took the GRE and spent an entire summer trying to learn archaic words and felt at least some pleasure in this activity. I've had aspirations to be a writer for most of my life. I have semi-secret aspirations of being a word artist of some sort (like a variant of a rapper, a linguistic lyricist of sorts). Words are my tools in so many ways. Plus this gives me ammo against students who think teachers (read:me, the one grading their papers) are 'too picky' about the way things are written. To Postman I say "word."